Don’t Leave Me
by Sm1l3n0wcrylat3r
Summary: Gordo, a talented football player is certain he’ll receive a an athletic scholarship to a top college and Lizzie intends to follow. When Gordo can’t shake what he thinks is a virus, Lizzie persuades him to see a doctor. Gordo’s test results are alarming
1. A Lump

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Lizzie McGuire characters. Don't sue!

**Title: **Don't Leave Me

**Summary: **Gordo, a talented football player is certain he'll receive a an athletic scholarship to a top college and Lizzie intends to follow. When Gordo can't shake what he thinks is a virus, Lizzie persuades him to see a doctor. Gordo's test results are alarming, but Lizzie believes there love is stronger than anything. Will their love survive? What's wrong with Gordo? R & R!

Chapter 1-A Lump

_The doorbell rang at the McGuire house._

**Lizzie: **"I'll get the door!" she called, running down the stairs from her room.

_She opened the door and their stood, David Gordon or Gordo as everyone called him, on her front porch. He smiled as she threw herself into his arms._

**Lizzie: **"I've missed you." she said as she snuggled against his chest.

**Gordo: **"Blame your father. He's the one who made the team stay for the championship game. It wasn't fun watching the finals, feeling like it should have been us playing for the state title." he said then kissed her.

_The Hillridge High Warriors football team, whom Lizzie's father coached, had made it all the way to the state finals in their division. Everyone had gone across town to watch the playoff games. Hillridge had lost in the semifinals so everyone returned sad including Lizzie, he r mother, and Gordo's mother. The players remained behind unitl Saturday night to watch the game for first place._

_Lizzie had been anxiously waiting for Gordo to come see her. She was sorry they had lost not only for her school pride but because she knew how much winning had meant to both Gordo and her father. Gordo started talking about the game and reasons they lost but she cut him short._

**Lizzie: **"Gordo I heard my dad go over every minute of that game and why we lost it. So enough about football. This is our first date in months that doesn't revolve around football and I don't want to talk about anything else but how wonderful you think I am." she said smiling at him.

**Gordo: **"Your wonderful." he laughed and hugged her.

**Lizzie: **"And?"

**Gordo: **"And I love you like crazy." he pressed his forehead against hers and kissed the tip of her nose.

**Lizzie: **"That's better." she said with a sly smile.

**Gordo: **"I know" he said smiling back.

**Lizzie: **"Forget about football tonight, next year your going to be the senior quarterback, and you'll take us to the state finals. The seasons over for now. Lets talk about our date, we're doubling with Larry and Miranda, do we want to? You know how they always find something to fight about."

_Gordo was about to answer but stopped when he saw Lizzie father Sam walk in._

**Sam: **"I thought I heard you come in." he said to Gordo.

**Gordo: **"Hey, coach! Sorry about the game." he said quickly getting up.

**Sam: **"It wasn't your fault son. I should have never taken you out and put Diaz in. You were doing great but you looked tired."

**Gordo: **"It's this flu. I'm having a tough time getting rid of it."

**Sam: **"Well you look like you feel alright now." he said as he looked between Gordo and Lizzie's radiant face.

**Gordo: **"Well Lizzie's good medicine." he said taking her hand and puling her up next to him.

**Lizzie: **"Dad we've got a date."

**Sam: **"Alright but you've got a curfew, don't forget." he said reminding her.

**Lizzie: **"I know dad!"

_Gordo and Lizzie walked to the front door and while Lizzie was getting her purse her father stopped them._

**Sam: **"Gordo, some college coaches have been checking you out already."

**Gordo: **"Really! Who?" he asked excited.

**Lizzie: **"Can't you talk to Gordo about this tomorrow, dad?" she said annoyed.

**Sam: **"Well I guess I could."

**Gordo: **"No, tell me coach. Who's asking?"

**Sam: **"USC and UCLA. Even more!"

**Gordo: **"Every things going great! Come on Liz, lets go. See you later coach!" he said as they walked outside.

_Outside in the crisp November night, Gordo took Lizzie in his arms and kissed her long and hard. Lizzie felt her knees go weak._

**Lizzie: **"I guess you really did miss me." she whispered as he released her.

**Gordo: **"Now that the season over, I've got to make up for lost time. You know I love you, Lizzie."

**Lizzie: **"I know but it's always nice to hear you say it." she said smiling at him.

_He opened the door of his car for her. The car was a 1969 Ford Shelby Mustang GT-350, it was old but very clean. They drove to the local bowling alley. As they walked inside they saw Larry standing at the lane alone without Miranda._

**Gordo: **"Sorry we're late man." he said sitting down.

**Lizzie: **"Hey, where is Miranda?"

**Larry: **"In the bathroom sulking."

**Lizzie: **"Don't tell me you guys had another fight?"

**Larry: **"She's impossible, Lizzie. Why is she so jealous?"

**Lizzie: **"I'll be back." she said leaving.

_She went to the bathroom and saw Miranda dabbing her yes with a paper towel._

**Lizzie: **"Now what's wrong?"

**Miranda: **"I caught Larry talking to Kate."

**Lizzie: **"And what's wrong with that?"

**Miranda: **"It may not be a big deal to you because Gordo is so in love with you and he hasn't liked anyone but you all his life. But with Larry it's hard. Girls are coming on to him and he likes it too!"

**Lizzie: **"Miranda, Larry loves you and only you. He'll tell you if he wants to date other girls, he wouldn't go behind your back." she said sympathetically.

**Miranda: **"You just don't get it!"

_She was trying so hard to make her friend feel better but Miranda was too stubborn. What she said about Gordo was right, that's why she trusted him so much. Before they were together they were the best of friends. When he was 14 his father had died in a car accident on his way home so things were hard for him and his mother. She struggled to work and keep their house and she succeeded. On her 14th birthday, Gordo brought Lizzie a fistful of flowers and when she took it form him and looked into his blue eyes and saw absolute adoration for her, something inside of her had melted. They had been dating ever since for the past three years. _**(A/N: Rome didn't happen in my story guys!) **_Everyone knew Lizzie and Gordo were meant for each there._

**Lizzie: **"Look Miranda, we're going bowling and if you don't join us, then Kate will have an opening to flirt more with him. Do you really want that?"

**Miranda: **"No…I guess not."

**Lizzie: **"That's the spirit!" she said as a small smile crept in Miranda's lips.

**Miranda: **"Thanks Liz, you always know what to say." she said hugging her.

_They walked back to the lanes and saw that Gordo and Larry had set everything up. Miranda felt much better so she wasn't sad anymore. Lizzie nestled against Gordo as Miranda and Larry took their turns. _

**Gordo: **"I'm glad you made her feel better." he said as he was playing with Lizzie's blonde hair.

**Lizzie: **"I wasn't about to let another one of their stupid fights ruin our night. I want to have fun with you." she said as she snuggled her face against his neck.

_Lizzie pulled back puzzled. She reached up and pressed her fingers along the side of his jaw._

**Lizzie: **"Gordo…….what's this lump?"

**A/N: **Hope you guys like this. Please review and tell me what you think!


	2. Please Go

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Lizzie McGuire characters.

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews guys! And I enabled anonymous reviews too, so anybody review!

_**Previously:**_

_Lizzie pulled back puzzled. She reached up and pressed her fingers along the side of his jaw._

_**Lizzie: **"Gordo…….what's this lump?" _

Chapter 2-Please Go

_Gordo pulled away, his expression self-conscious. _

**Gordo: **"It's just a swollen gland."

**Lizzie: **"Did your doctor see it?" she asked worried.

**Gordo: **"Lizzie, it's nothing. When someone gets the flu, glands swell."

**Lizzie: **"Is the one on the other side swollen too?" she asked as she frowned.

**Gordo: **"Lizzie, I don't want to talk about this right now. Now come on, it's our turn. Bet you a buck you can't make a strike."

**Lizzie: **"Your on!" she said as she leaped to her feet.

_The rest of the night went great. By the time Gordo drove Lizzie home, Lizzie was feeling content. She hooked her arm through Gordo's once he stopped his car in fornt of her house. Then leaned against his broad shoulder._

**Lizzie: **"I had fun."

**Gordo: **"Me too. But then again, I always have fun when I'm with you."

_Lizzie felt a tingling sensation along her skin. Gordo said romantic things without calculation. Which was one of the reasons she cared for him so much._

**Lizzie: **"I think you should sleep in tomorrow." she told him.

**Gordo: **"I am feeling pretty lousy. Maybe some extra sleep will help. I'll call you tomorrow as soon as I wake up." he said not arguing.

_She raised her face and received his long, lingering kiss, then got out of the car._

**Lizzie: **"I can make it up the walk myself. Go home and go to bed. I love you."

**Gordo: **"Love you too Liz."

_He smiled at her, but even in the faint glow of the lights from the dashboard, she thought he looked weary and pale. She squeezed his hand through the open passenger window and dashed up the sidewalk and into her house. _

**Jo: **"Is that you Lizzie?" she heard her mother call.

**Lizzie: **"No, mom. It's a burglar." she said joking around.

**Jo: **"Cute. Come sit down and visit with me."

**Lizzie: **"I'm tired, can we talk tomorrow?"

_Lizzie knew what her mom was going to say, and she wasn't in the mood to hear it. Especially after the good time she'd had with Gordo and her friends._

**Jo: **"You'll be too busy tomorrow. Come on, it won't take to long. Sit." she said patting the sofa cushion beside her.

**Lizzie: **"So what can't wait till tomorrow?" she asked sitting down.

**Jo: **"Lizzie, I'm concerned your not sending out your applications for college."

**Lizzie: **"Oh mom…..not this again." she groaned.

**Jo: **"I know what I'm talking about. The freshman classes for all the really top colleges fill up fast and your too bright, your grades are too good, for you not to get into any college you apply to. I've already talked to you school guidance counselor and she said kids in your junior class are sending forms right an left. You should be too."

**Lizzie: **"Mom, I've got a lot of time to think about college. I won't even take my SAT exam until next fall, and those scores are what colleges consider."

**Jo: **"Naturally the SAT's are important but you shouldn't have any trouble with them. You should start applying now to colleges you're truly interested in."

_Lizzie was struggling to keep from losing her temper. She knew her mom ws trying ot be helpful. But she didn't want any._

**Lizzie: **"Can't I just enjoy high school? It's not even Christmas yet! I don't want to deal with college now….especially when I have over a year of high school left."

**Jo: **"It's because of Gordo, isn't it?" she said in a low voice.

**Lizzie: **"I don't know what you mean."

**Jo: **"Your so busy thinking about Gordo that you don't think of yourself. You spend more time with him than with anything else."

_Lizzie clenched her teeth, hating that her mom was partly right, yet not wanting to admit it._

**Lizzie: **"Of course I like Gordo. But I do plenty of things with my friends. And I've never once let my grades drop, have I?" she said trying to prove a point.

**Jo: **"Lizzie, I'm not trying to be a nag. It's just that I want so much more for you."

**Lizzie: **"More of what? Why shouldn't I have a boyfriend and have fun with him? What have you got against Gordo?"

**Jo: **"I don't have anything against him. He's a nice boy, I mean I saw him grow up too. But I want to see you go to college, have a career and see the world.

**Lizzie: **"I am! And don't forget, Gordo's going to get a football scholarship and be out of here in two years. So, based on your logic, why would I want to even stay if he's gone?"

**Jo: **"I just want you to think about your future, Lizzie."

**Lizzie: **"And I am. I'll go to college mom. I'm really tired, so I'm going to bed. Night!" she said quickly running to her room.

_Lizzie wasn't lying when she said that she wanted to go to college. But what she hadn't said was that she wasn't about to choose a college until she knew where Gordo was going to attend. Her father already said that college coaches were already lining up to offer Gordo athletic scholarships. Once Gordo, got down to serious negations with colleges, she would start to apply to those colleges too. She wasn't about to spend four years apart from Gordo. She loved Gordo with all her heart and she wasn't about to let him get away._

**THE NEXT DAY:**

**Lizzie: **"I think you have a fever, Gordo." she said as she pressed her hand on his cheek.

_Automatically she moved her hand to the side of his neck, to where she'd first felt the swollen gland the night before. _

**Lizzie: **"and your gland doesn't seem any smaller."

_It was Sunday afternoon and he had come over to study wit her. Their books were spread across the dining room table, but Gordo had spent most of the past hour resting his head on the book in front of him._

**Gordo: **"I'm fine. You're not my mother, Liz. Get off my case."

**Lizzie: **"Well excuse me for being concerned." she said as she shoved her chair backward and stood up.

**Gordo: **"Wait a minute, I didn't mean to snap at you. I didn't sleep good last night, and today I've got a pounding headache."

**Lizzie: **"Why don't you go back to your doctor?" she said, she was instantly sorry for being cross with him.

**Gordo: **"I don't want to. What's he going to do? Give me another prescription for antibiotics? The last prescription didn't help." he said as he shrugged.

**Lizzie: **"Then that's all the more reason to go."

**Gordo: **"Office visits and prescriptions cost money. Things are tight with mom this month and she doesn't need any extra expense."

_Lizzie knew it was hard for Gordo to talk to her about his poverty. Ever since his father's death, his mother had worked full-time and he had worked summer jobs, but there was still never seemed to be enough money to go around._

**Lizzie: **"Just tell my dad. He'll get you the doctor and it won't cost you a thing."

_He shoved away from the table and stood up._

**Gordo: **"I don't need any charity, Lizzie. It's my flu, you know. And I don't want your dad to foot my bills!"

**Lizzie: **"That's the dumbest…."

_She got no further. He had walked around her and headed out the door. She called for him to return, but all she heard was the door slamming of the front door behind him._

_Her father sauntered into the dining room with the Sunday paper in his hand._

**Sam: **"What's all the noise about?"

**Lizzie: **"Nothing, we had a little disagreement and Gordo left."

**Sam: **"He'll come back when he's cooled off."

**Lizzie: **"Yeah, sure."

**Sam: **"Don't be hard on him, Liz. He's had a rough season. He doesn't need hassle from his girl."

**Lizzie: **"Well thank you, dad for your support. But did it occur to you that Gordo be the one wrong in this?"

**Sam: **"Hold on, now. I'm not about to get into some lover's spat. I was just wondering why the door slammed so hard." he said throwing his hands up.

**Lizzie: **"Next time Gordo leaves angry, I'll tell him not to slam the door."

_He started to say something but the phone rang._

**Sam: **"Back in a minute. And we'll discuss what set Gordo off."

_Lizzie didn't want to discuss anything with her father at that moment._

_Twenty minutes later, her father was still on the phone when the doorbell rang. She opened the door and Gordo was standing on the porch, his hands behind his back._

**Gordo: **"Can I come in?"

_Lizzie pushed open the door, and headed to the dining room with Gordo tagging after her._

**Gordo: **"Here. These are for you."

_He held out a small bouquet of flowers. She recognized them, they conjured up memories of bouquets form the past he'd given her. It was his favorite means of communication. _

**Lizzie: **"Do you think you can solve every problem with flowers?

_She took them and buried her nose in petals of the yellow and red mums. _

**Gordo: **"Can't I? "he asked innocently.

_He looked cute and apologetic, she had a hard time not smiling._

**Lizzie: **"Yes. You know how I feel about flowers." she admitted.

**Gordo: **"And me? How do you feel about me? Am I forgiven?"

**Lizzie: **"I wasn't trying to tell you what to do. I'm worried that's all. You've been sick for weeks and you don't seem to be getting any better. I guess I can't understand why you can't go back to the doctor and demand he make you well. And money is no excuse."

_He sat down in a dining room chair while she talked. His long, lanky body drooped, reminding her of a balloon that was losing air. She thought he looked thinner than usual, but she wasn't about to mention it to him._

**Gordo: **"I know your right. I've been putting it off because…….because I'm worried too."

**Lizzie: **"You are?"

**Gordo: **"Other glands are swollen-the ones under my arms. And at night I get these terrible sweats. I mean I wake up and the sheets are soaking wet. I've been changing them every morning so mom won't know."

_Lizzie felt her stomach constrict._

**Lizzie: **"This doesn't sound right to me. Maybe it's more than a flu."

**Gordo: **"I guess I thought it would eventually go away."

**Lizzie: **"But it hasn't."

**Gordo: **"Look I'll go back to the doctor, but not until Christmas break."

**Lizzie: **"That's another 3 weeks!"

**Gordo: **"I'm drowning in schoolwork. What with the playoffs and all, I really fell behind."

**Lizzie: **"But…"

_He placed his fingertips across her lips to silence her._

**Gordo: **"I've got to take my girl to the big formal dance. What if the doctor puts me on bed rest or something? How will I take her to the dance then?"

**Lizzie: **"I don't care if we miss the dance."

_Lizzie said the words but she knew it wasn't true. She really did want to go to the dance. She'd already bought her dress._

**Gordo: **"Well I care. Anyway it gives me another excuse to bring you flowers."

_She pulled back as they were hugging and looked up at his face-the face she'd grown to love so much._

**Lizzie: **"But the minute Christmas break starts, you'll go to the doctor?"

**Gordo: **"Yes. And your going to come with me. I really don't want to bother my mom with this."

**Lizzie: **"Good, because I'll be right by your side." she said smiling up at him.

_He bent down and kissed her but pulled away when the coach walked in. _

**Sam: **"I just got off the phone with the head of the school board. The funds are going to be enough to build that new football stadium after all." he said excitedly.

**Gordo: **"Alright!" he said as he gave Sam a high five.

_Lizzie knew how much the stadium meant to her father and to Gordo._

**Gordo: **"A new stadium. When will it be finished?" he said as his eyes blue eyes gleamed.

**Sam: **"If everything goes the way I planned, you could start your senior season in it."

**Gordo: **"That's not even a year from now." he said surprised.

**Sam: **"It's a long shot but it's possible it could be ready by fall."

**Gordo: **"Even if I can't play on it, the next class will. I'm just glad we're getting it."

**Sam: **"I want you to play on it."

_Lizzie looked back and forth at her father and her boyfriend. Everything was going perfectly. Nothing could go wrong, right?_

**A/N: **Long chapter! Please review guys!


	3. Alarming News

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Lizzie McGuire characters.

Chapter 3-Alarming News

**Miranda: **"Your dress is awesome Lizzie, and it looks really great on you."

_Miranda was stretched across Lizzie's bed while Lizzie modeled for her. She was standing in front of the full length mirror mounted on the back of her bedroom door, she was admiring the way it looked._

**Lizzie: **"You don't think it's too plain?"

**Miranda: **"No way. It's way elegant. And I love the way it falls off your shoulders. Pretty sexy." she said causing Lizzie to laugh.

**Lizzie: **"Well it cost me every penny of my Christmas gift money. I fell in love with it so I had to have it."

**Miranda: **"Wait till Gordo sees it. He'll positively drool."

_Lizzie smiled, imagining the look in his eyes when he saw her in the dress._

**Lizzie: **"Well I like your dress too. The color's perfect with your dark hair."

_They had come from Miranda's house, where Miranda showed off her new dress._

**Miranda: **"Thanks! Hey lets go to the mall and buy some new perfume." she said excitedly.

**Lizzie: **"I'd love to but I can't. Gordo's mom invited me for dinner tonight."

**Miranda: **"But it's only one o'clock. Dinners hours from now."

_Lizzie didn't want to tell Miranda the whole truth, but this was the afternoon Gordo was supposed to go to his doctor for another checkup. School had been out for a few days, but it had taken until today to get an appointment with the doctor._

**Lizzie: **"I promised him I'd come early."

**Miranda: **"Well this qualifies as early." she grumbled.

Lizzie: "We'll go tomorrow, I still have Christmas shopping to do."

**Miranda: **"Ok pick me up early, I wan to be there when they first open the doors."

**Lizzie: **"Ok, I'll pick you up."

_Once Miranda was gone, Lizzie changed and left. She got to the Gordon resident, she parked in the driveway and Gordo met her on the porch. He gave her a quick kiss._

**Gordo: **"Mom took the afternoon off from work and she's cooking up a feast."

_Once inside, she followed Gordo into the kitchen where his mom was stirring a pot on the stove. _

**Lizzie: **"It smells wonderful." she exclaimed.

_Roberta Gordon put her wooden spoon down, wiped her hands on a dish towel, and hugged Lizzie warmly. _

**Roberta: **"I'm glad you could come for dinner. Although it won't be ready for another three hours."

_She shot Gordon a glance._

**Roberta: **"He insisted that you had to come this afternoon so that you could drive him somewhere. Why isn't Gordo driving? What's going on with you two?"

**Lizzie: **"He's keeping a promise to me."

**Roberta: **"What promise?"

**Gordo: **"We'll tell you at dinner."

_Gordo interjected, getting Lizzie off the hook._

**Gordo: **"Let me get some things out of my room and we'll go." he said to Lizzie.

_Lizzie sat on one of the kitchen chairs to wait. The kitchen table looked scarred, battle-weary form years of service._

**Roberta: **"Gordo says you two are planning to stop by tomorrow night before the dance so I can see your dress."

**Lizzie: **"Yeah, on our way to pick up Larry and Miranda."

**Roberta: **"It's nice of your father to lend Gordo his car for the evening."

_Lizzie's dad had made the offer weeks before and Gordo had been thrilled over the prospect of driving the sporty car. Lizzie would have been just as happy in Gordo's car, but no one had asked her opinion._

**Lizzie: **"Well you know how my dad feels about Gordo."

**Roberta: **"He's been very good to my boy, and I'll always be grateful for the way he's taken him under his wing, It's not easy raising a boy without a father."

_Gordo had always been protective of his mother, careful not to cause her worry or problems. Which was part of his refusal to keep returning to the doctor for his unremitting flu bug._

**Lizzie: **"He loves him like a son."

Roberta: "I know, I could tell. We're putting up the Christmas tree next week. You will come and help decorate it won't you?" **(A/N: The Gordon's aren't Jewish in my story, sorry!)**

**Lizzie: **"Of course. How else can we keep Gordo from slinging the tinsel on it?"

_The two of them were laughing when Gordo came back to the kitchen, ready to leave._

**Gordo: **"Why do I get the feeling you're laughing at me?"

_After Roberta and Lizzie had poked some more good-natured fun at him, Gordo had promised his mom to return by five and he and Lizzie left the warm kitchen._

_Lizzie drove to the doctors office while Gordo stared out the window pensively. As they got there the doctor's waiting room was crowded with sniffling kids and crying babies. A few adults sat with their heads buried in their hands, looking feverish. Over thirty minutes passed before he was finally called into one of the waiting rooms. Another forty five minutes passed and Lizzie grew restless. She imagined Gordo forgotten in some cubicle, getting angry while he waited. Forty minutes later, the outer door opened and Gordo's mother hurried inside._

**Lizzie: **"Roberta! Why are you here?"

**Roberta: **"The doctor called and told me to come. I didn't know you were taking gordo to the doctor, Lizzie. Why didn't either of you tell me?"

**Lizzie**: "Gordo didn't want you to worry."

**Roberta: **"What's wrong with Gordo? He wasn't sick when he left home."

_Lizzie was at a loss for words, embarrassed, she shrugged. An inner door opened and a nurse call then in. Quickly, they followed the woman downa narrow hall and into an office where a doctor sat behind his desk, writing in a file folder. Gordo sat stiffly in a side chair._

**Roberta: **"Gordo, are you alright?" she said as she rushed to him, Lizzie followed but hanging back slightly.

**Gordo: **"I don't know. Ask him." he said sullen.

_The doctor stood and nodded._

**Dr. Portage: **"I'm Dr. Portage." he said introducing himself.

**Lizzie: **"I'm Lizzie McGuire, his, uh…..friend."

**Roberta: **"I'm his mother. Where's Dr. Simms?"

**Dr. Portage: **"He's taken me on as his assistant."

**Roberta: **"Tell us what's wrong."

_Dr. Portage sat and steepled his fingers together._

**Dr. Portage: **"I've checked David over, listened to his symptoms, and done some preliminary blood work. As I told you on the phone, I'm concerned about his elevated white blood count."

_Lizzie felt her heart pounding and reached for Gordo's hand._

**Lizzie: **"Gordo, he's scaring me."

_Gordo looked away. His hand felt cold as ice._

**Dr. Portage: **"I don't mean to alarm any of you. But I don't like what I'm seeing. I suspect Gordo has some kind of infection. According to his records, he's been treated with antibiotics, but he hasn't responded as he should have."

**Roberta: **"Are you saying you'll have to run more tests?"

**Dr. Portage: **"Yes. And he needs to be in a hospital in order to run them. I've got a call in St. Paul's Hospital."

_Lizzie and Gordo exchanged glances. His dark eyes bored into her, making her even more afraid._

**Lizzie: **"What do you mean?" she asked as her voice quivered.

**Dr. Portage: **"I want you to go home, pack a bag, and check in" he said looking directly at Gordo.

_Gordo jumped to his feet._

**Gordo: **"Right now?" You want me to go check in right now? No way!"

**Dr. Portage: **"The sooner the better."

**Roberta: **"Now, Gordo, we should do what the doctor says." she added.

**Gordo: **"But the dance is tomorrow night."

**Lizzie: **"but I don't care about the dance." she interjected.

**Gordo: **"Well I do."

_The doctors phone rang. He spoke quietly into the receiver, then hung up._

**Dr. Portage: **"That was St. Paul's. It's all arranged. You're to check in this afternoon, as soon as possible."

_The remainder of the afternoon passed in a surrealistic blur for Lizzie. And while she would not recall later the exact sequence of events, she'd never forget the cold, snakelike fear that clutched at her insides and numbed her soul. She cried when she called her father on the phone from Gordo's house. She found comfort in his absolute refusal to believe that the doctor was anything but right._

**Lizzie: **"I'm going with them to St. Paul's, Dad."

**Sam: **"Maybe I should drive over too."

**Lizzie: **"Why don't I call you form the hospital once I find out what's going on."

**Sam: **"All right. You stay with Gordo's mom. She'll need someone."

_Afterward all three drove to the hospital. Gordo checked in and they told him he had to stay for at least a week to run tests. Days passed, friends visited him while Lizzie and his mother were right by his side. They did a CT scan the second day. His mother had gone out of his room to talk to his doctor. He and Lizzie were alone. He opened his arms and Lizzie leaned over the bed to receive his hug._

**Gordo: **"I've missed you." he whispered against her ear.

**Lizzie: **"Oh, Gordo, I've missed you too. I wish I could take you home with me right now."

**Gordo: **"Why don't we make a dash for it? They won't notice until dinner time."

_She laughed. At least he was in better spirits._

**Gordo: **"Any feedback about the dance form Miranda?"

**Lizzie: **"She and Larry missed us going with them."

**Gordo: **"You didn't get to wear your new dress."

**Lizzie: **"I'll wear it to the next dance for you."

**Gordo: **"Maybe we can go somewhere special for New Year's Eve. Would you like that?"

**Lizzie: **"Sure but before we make any plans maybe we'd better see how all these test come out."

_He looked downcast._

**Gordo: **"I just want my life back." he said sadly.

_She was about to cheer him up but Gordo's mother walked in. Her face looked calm, yet Lizzie suspect she was upset. _

**Mom: **"I talked to Dr. Sanchez. And he said they're going to take you into surgery tomorrow morning and do a biopsy on the gland in your neck."

**Lizzie: **"Surgery? They're going to operate on Gordo?" she said as she felt her knees go weak.

**Roberta: **"It's just a biopsy. They'll take out some of the cells and send them to the lab for analysis. And they'll do a bone marrow biopsy at the same time."

**Gordo: **"What are they looking for?" he asked without emotion.

**Roberta: **"I'm not certain."

_The next morning they took Gordo into surgery. Lizzie's parents, Lizzie, and Roberta were there. The results would be ready in a couple of days. _

_The afternoon Dr. Sanchez came to discuss Gordo's diagnosis with Gordo, his mother, and Lizzie, the nurses were decorating the floor for the holidays. The doctor, his hands full of charts and papers, pulled a chair to the side of the bed. Roberta sat near the doctor and Lizzie remained in her perch on the bed, her fingers laced through Gordo's. _

**Gordo: **"Your not smiling Doc. Did the nurses forget to invite you to their Christmas party?"

**Dr. Sanchez: **"No way. Who do you think plays Santa Claus for the pediatric ward?"

_His banter was easy, but Lizzie saw his eyes were not smiling._

**Roberta: **"So what do you have to tell us? What's wrong with my son?" she asked getting to the point.

_The doctor flipped open the manila folder on his lap._

**Dr. Sanchez: **"I'm going to give this to you straight, David, because you asked me to."

**Gordo: **"Yes, I did."

**Dr. Sanchez: **"And because it's the only way I deal with my patients. I talk straight."

_Lizzie's heart began to hammer and her fingers tightened around Gordo's._

**Dr. Sanchez: **"The official name for what you have is Hodgkin's Lymphoma."

_Lizzie heard Gordo's mom gasp and saw her shake her head._

**Lizzie: **"What's that?" she asked, not one bit embarrassed by her ignorance.

**Dr. Sanchez: **"It's a form of cancer that develops in the lymph system, which is part of the body's circulatory system. Right now, you're in an early stage and your prognosis is good."

_Cancer! Lizzie felt as if someone had hit her hard in the stomach and knocked the wind out of her. The worst had happened._

**A/N: **Review please!!! Thanks for all your reviews!!!!


	4. Treatment & Christmas

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Lizzie McGuire characters.

_**Previously:**_

_Lizzie's heart began to hammer and her fingers tightened around Gordo's._

_**Dr. Sanchez: **"The official name for what you have is Hodgkin's Lymphoma."_

_Lizzie heard Gordo's mom gasp and saw her shake her head._

_**Lizzie: **"What's that?" she asked, not one bit embarrassed by her ignorance._

_**Dr. Sanchez: **"It's a form of cancer that develops in the lymph system, which is part of the body's circulatory system. Right now, you're in an early stage and your prognosis is good."_

_Cancer! Lizzie felt as if someone had hit her hard in the stomach and knocked the wind out of her. The worst had happened._

Chapter 4-Treatment & Christmas

_Lizzie thought she hadn't heard Dr. Sanchez correctly._

**Lizzie: **"But Gordo's so healthy. He plays football." she blurted.

**Dr. Sanchez: **"Hodgkin's is rare. It accounts for less than one percent of all cancer cases. Unfortunately, when we see it, it's in young people between the ages of fifteen and thirty five sometimes even much younger. Basically, as in all cancers, the cells of the lymph system go crazy and start dividing at will. This breaks down the immune system-your body's infection fighting machine-and it can spread to other organs."

_Gordo's face looked impassive, as if he were listening to a weather report. Lizzie wanted to scream, **No! No! You've made a mistake!**_

**Roberta: **"He never complained of any pain."

**Dr. Sanchez: **"Hi symptoms were classic-swollen, painless nodes in his neck, night sweats, fevers, weight loss. But those symptoms could be ascribed to any number of illnesses. That's why we ran so many tests."

_Dr. Sanchez removed several papers from the file folder._

**Dr. Sanchez: **"Your pathology report shows that the cells in your neck were positive for cancer. But on the good side, your CT scan showed that your lymph network looks clean. And your bone marrow biopsy was negative also. In other words, the cancer hasn't spread yet."

**Gordo: **"Yet?" he said speaking for the first time.

**Dr. Sanchez: **"Untreated, it will spread."

**Gordo: **"How do you treat it?"

**Dr. Sanchez: **"We start with chemotherapy."

_Lizzie felt sick to her stomach. She'd heard about chemotherapy and its side effects._

**Dr. Sanchez: **"I'm moving you up to the oncology floor and assigning you another doctor. Paul Kessler is one of your top oncologists-a big football fan, too. He played for Duke University as an undergraduate. You'll like him."

**Gordo: **"So I won't be home for Christmas? You told me I'd be home for Christmas."

**Dr. Sanchez: **"You might be. Chemo patients are given their initial doses in the hospital to see how they tolerate the drugs and to work out the best combination. We'll insert a Port-A-Cath here."

_He touched an area near Gordo's collarbone._

**Dr. Sanchez: **"It's a tube gizmo surgically implanted under the skin so that your chemo can be administered without having to stick you all the time. The catheter's opening will be on the outside. Medications will be inserted every three weeks for six cycles, for a total of eighteen weeks. At that rate, you'll be through chemo by April."

**Gordo: **"I've got to walk around with a stupid tube hanging half out of me? I've got to take all these weird chemicals? What about school? What about my life!" he said as his voice rose.

**Dr. Sanchez: **"Dr. Kessler will answer all your questions. Chemo is his specialty. But you'll be able to return to school once you are on the program. And after you adjust, you'll resume regular life. The chemo treatments will eventually be over, David."

_Gordo's face had become an angry mask and his hand in Lizzie's felt icy cold._

**Gordo: **"And then what Doc? Will the cancer be gone forever? Will I get to pick up where I left off? Or is this thing going to hang over me for the rest of my life?"

**Dr. Sanchez: **"I can't answer that David. I don't know."

**Gordo: **"Well maybe I don't want to go through chemo and all. Maybe I just want to pack up and go home and forget the whole mess."

**Roberta: **"Gordo, you can't…"

_The doctor interjected._

**Dr. Sanchez: **"You have the right to refuse treatment, David, but it wouldn't be wise. With it, you at least have hope for recovery. Without it, you will most certainly die."

**THE NEXT DAY:**

_Nothing had prepared Lizzie for Gordo's diagnosis. She moved through the next day ina numbing fog of disbelief. She sobbed into the phone when she told her father and felt and odd kind of comfort in his display of explosive anger. Her mother was sympathetic, and sorry, she wanted Lizzie to come home-Christmas was only a week away. Lizzie refused, she couldn't leave Gordo._

_He was started on chemo, and the side effects were immediate. He began vomiting continually. _

**Dr. Kessler: **"It takes some adjustment to arrive at the right combination. The important thing is, David has to keep eating."

_His advice seemed stupid, since Gordo couldn't keep anything down. Gordo begged Lizzie to go home._

**Gordo: **"I don't want you to see me like this." he moaned. His skin looked ashen.

**Lizzie: **"I'm not leaving." she insisted.

_Yet, the weekend before Christmas, she decided to return home long enough to replenish her wardrobe-and to appease her mother. As she walked into her house, she felt like a stranger. The decorations were up. It was the first time in all of her seventeen years that she hadn't helped with the festivities. She went quickly to her room and felt like a stranger there too. Everything was familiar, yet alien. She'd grown to the hospital smells and sparse furnishings._

_Lizzie tightened the rein on her emotions as she dumped the contents of her clothing on her bed and started toward her closet for fresh clothes. Midway, she stopped. Draped on a hanger form atop the molding of the closet door, exactly where she'd left it, was the black taffeta strapless dress she was to have worn to the school holiday dance. It reminded her of a simpler time, a throwback to days of unhurried sweetness when nothing was more pressing in her life than studying for a test. Or talking on the phone with Miranda. Or making plans for a date with Gordo. She felt a catch in her throat. Slowly she approached the dress and fingered the satiny material. How foreign it felt. Her hand were used to touching hospital sheets, hospital pajamas, and cotton blankets. The dress's elegant fabric no longer belonged in her world. She wondered if there would ever be room for such an extravagance again. _

_Tears slid down her cheeks, wetting her skin. She felt her shoulders begin to shake as sobs, unchecked pured out of her. **Gordo, Gordo…….What's going to happen to us? **She couldn't stop crying. Couldn't stop aching inside. Lizzie buried her face in the dark fabric and felt dampness soak into the material. She could almost hear her mother saying, **"Be careful. Water will stain taffeta. It's not a very practical dress, you know." **But Lizzie only wept harder, not caring. Somehow the tear stains seemed appropriate. The dress would wear watermarks forever, a symbol of the lost innocence of her life. Of the cruel and bitter upheaval in Gordo's. Quickly with muffled weeping, she began to pack some stuff to take with her to the hospital. _

_On Christmas Day, Gordo's hair had began to fall out._

**Gordo: **"Ho, ho, ho." he said without mirth, holding up the wad of hair left on his pillow.

**Lizzie: **"It's only hair." she said but inwardly she was shaken.

_Lizzie's family had visited Gordo at the hospital so they were having their Christmas their in Gordo's room. Sam and Jo had bought Gordon a football signed by the players on the Raiders team. Lizzie had given him a baseball hat, a sweater, and a glamorous color photograph of herself. He sat holding it, staring down at her smiling face._

**Gordo: **"You look beautiful Lizzie."

**Lizzie: **"You told me once that you wanted a good picture of me, so I had it made for you. It's nothing special."

**Gordo: **"It is to me."

_He looked into her eyes, and in spite of his gaunt face, his thinning hair, and his sallow complexion, she still considered him handsome._

**Gordo: "**I bought you this last October. I've been paying it off a little at a time. Mom got it out for me last week." he said as he handed her a small, wrapped box.

_Inside the box was a gold bracelet, the chain thin and delicate, with tiny pearls set like staggered snowdrops along its length. She thought it was the most wonderful gift she'd ever received from him and told him so by kissing him in front of her parents and his mom. _

**Gordo: **"I got you this too." he said, and produced a rose, which gave her another opportunity to kiss him.

_That night Lizzie's parents had gone home and Lizzie once again wanted to stay with Gordo and his mom. Gordo was asleep. Roberta turned to Lizzie and smiled at her._

**Roberta: **"Right now, you're the only thing holding my son together. This chemo business has knocked him for a loop. Kids-especially boys-think they're invincible. Why, I can count on one hand the number of days Gordo's been sick in his life. When he gets sick, he doesn't mess around with the small stuff, does he?"

_Tears filled Roberta's eyes and Lizzie thought she might break down. _

**Lizzie: **"This chemo treatment won't last forever." she said hastily.

_Roberta sniffled hard._

**Lizzie: **"But it is a crummy way to spend Christmas."

**Roberta: **"A crummy way." she echoed.

_They gave each other a good night hug and got comfortable in their chairs. Lizzie couldn't sleep, she longed to be a kid again. To be snuggled in her own bed, in her own room, with nothing to think about but playing with her new toys. But she wasn't a little girl anymore, she was away from home on Christmas. But she was with Gordo, the only boy she'd ever loved, who was receiving chemo for a rare and deadly form of cancer. She fingered the bracelet on her wrist and stuffed her fist into her mouth, so that Roberta or Gordo wouldn't hear her cry herself to sleep._

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews! Please review more!


	5. The Banquet, Party, & More News

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Lizzie McGuire characters.

Chapter 5-The Banquet, Party, & More News

_Dr. Kessler allowed Gordo to return home New Year's Day. Gordo was to remain on chemo for another week, then go off treatment for two weeks, then begin the process all over again._

**Jo: **"The school can get you tutors so that you can stay on grade level."

_Lizzie heard her mom, who had brought a casserole to Gordo's house for dinner that night, tell him._

**Gordo: **"I might want a tutor. I'd really like to stay caught up with my classes."

_Until then, it hadn't occurred to Lizzie that Gordo might not go back to school. The semester started the next day and she had to return._

**Lizzie: **"You should come to school. Everybody's asking about you. You'll feel better seeing the gang." she said once her mom left the room.

**Gordo: **"I don't know. I look pretty grim."

_He wore his baseball cap all the time to hide his bald head._

**Lizzie: **"Not to me."

**Gordo: **"Then you'd better get glasses."

_He sighed and flopped back against the couch._

**Gordo: **"I look like a freak, Lizzie. And I feel like one too."

_He pulled the neck of his sweater up higher, making certain it covered the catheter near his collarbone._

**Lizzie: **"You can't stay out the entire semester." she insisted.

**Gordo: **"When I'm off chemo, I might consider going back. But once I start treatment again, I'll have to drop out. I don't want to start barfing in the classroom."

**Lizzie: **"Not even Ms. Tyler's?" she named the most formidable English teacher at the high school.

_He ignored her attempt to be funny._

**Gordo: **"Don't pressure me. This isn't something I can decide now. Will you come over tomorrow and tell me about your day?"

**Lizzie: **"Sure." she said, but she was disappointed.

_Somehow, she'd assumed that once he got out of the hospital, he'd act more like his old self._

_Lizzie returned to Hillridge High and was bombarded with questions about Gordo all day long. Students, teachers, even the principal and the office secretaries questioned her. In the cafeteria with Miranda, she could hardly get her lunch down for the interruptions. _

**Miranda: **"Larry says that the guys on the team want to do something special for Gordo, but they don't know what."

_She said after the crowd momentarily cleared away form the table._

**Miranda: **"Some of the guys are weirded out about it. They think Gordo hung the moon and they can't imagine him being sick this way."

**Lizzie: **"Then fire up your imagination-he really is."

**Miranda: **"But cancer! It….it's so unfair!"

**Lizzie: **"Please Miranda don't talk about it. I know it's unfair, and I get mad whenever I think about it. So why don't we just change the subject, all right?"

_A couple of days later Gordo had started to work out again with the help of Lizzie and her father. Rather then sitting around and doing nothing._

_Eventually Gordo decided to return to school. Lizzie was proud of him, she knew it wasn't easy. He'd always been admired at Hillirdge High and looked up to by both students and faculty. He was handsome, the star quarterback, a good student, and an all around nice guy. But cancer and chemotherapy had left their mark. _

_There were those who whispered about the change in him. The girls were the worst. Lizzie would walk into the bathroom between classes and conversations would stop as all eyes turned toward her. She'd know they'd been discussing Gordo, and she disliked them for it. She would glare at them, daring them to continue with their gossip. Gordo would always wear his baseball hat everyday and so would the guys on the team. She would always see him walking in between classes._

_By April, the flowers had begun to bloom. Lizzie often found Gordo after school sitting in the old bleachers over looking the football field. She would climb up the and always sit beside him._

**Lizzie: **"So what are you thinking about?" she asked as she settled next to him on afternoon.

_A cool breeze was blowing. She hugged the letterman jacket he had given her when they were freshman tightly to her body._

**Gordo: **"I'm thinking that spring is my favorite time of year." he told her.

_He was gazing thoughtfully out across the field. The grass looked hopelessly brown, but a few hardy dandelions had begun to dot the ground like bright yellow exclamation points._

**Lizzie: **"I don't believe it. You love football, and that's in autumn."

**Gordo: **"Yeah but before now, I took spring for granted. Everybody does, you know. They figure that it'll just wander in. But this year, it's extra special to me. And extra pretty."

**Lizzie: **"Why Gordo! You almost sound like a poet." she said as she linked her arm through is.

**Gordo: **"I'd write a poem if I could."

_He tossed back his head and breathed in deeply._

**Gordo: **"Everybody's always rushing around, Lizzie. They never stop and look around. They never see the new green color of the trees. Have you ever noticed how bright that shade of green is? And the flowers….flowers always seem to know when it's time to start growing. One day the ground is flat, and the next day little green stems are poking up. I've watched them for week, so I know. They're asleep under the ground all through winter. Then they pop up."

_She'd never heard him be so contemplative._

**Gordo: **"I guess we all take such things for granted. We figure, 'Spring cam last year, it will this year too,'"

_His gaze swept the area._

**Gordo: **"I'll never take it for granted again. I'll always be grateful to see every spring that ever comes along."

_She shivered, not form the cold, but from the tone of melancholy in his voice._

**Lizzie: **"I will too."

_He looked down at her._

**Gordo**: "So maybe this whole experience has made me more sensitive. What do you think?"

**Lizzie: **"I'd rather you not have had the experience and be less sensitive."

_He laughed, and the sound thrilled her. He was beginning to seem so much more like his old self._

**Gordo: **"I start the final round of chemo next week. I didn't think I'd ever get to this point."

**Lizzie: **"And don't forget the sports banquet next Saturday." she reminded him.

_His expression clouded._

**Gordo: **"Lizzie, I don't know how I'll be feeling…"

_She interrupted him before he finished his sentence._

**Lizzie: **"Poor excuse. We missed the Christmas dance and the Valentine's dance. We have to go to the banquet. I won't take no for an answer."

_He was quiet._

**Lizzie: **"Gordo, what's wrong? Why don't you want to go?"

**Gordo: **"It's hard to be around the team, that's all."

**Lizzie: **"You see the guys everyday at school. What's the difference?"

**Gordo: **"The difference is I'll be on display. At school, I can just blend into the crowd. But the banquet will be full of parents and news people. I hate people staring at me, Lizzie…feeling sorry for me."

**Lizzie: **"People can't help but feel sorry for you. What happened to you stinks. But look how far you've come! People want to be happy for you too. They want to see you be the winner that you are."

_He cocked his head._

**Gordo: **"Do you really believe I'm a winner?"

**Lizzie: **"I don't hang with losers." she joked.

**Gordo: **"I love you Lizzie."

_She grinned._

**Lizzie: **"Then I'll take that as a yes. You'll take me to the banquet?"

_He slumped, feigning defeat._

**Gordo: **"Do you always get your way?"

**Lizzie: **"Of course. I'm the coaches daughter."

_She looked at her watch._

**Lizzie: **"Now let's get you home. It's time to begin your workout."

_Hand in hand, they descended the bleachers and headed for the parking lot._

**THE BANQUET:**

_The players received awards, especially Gordo. The coach presented the new stadium to everyone. The players gave the coach a present. And one more thing the team did that surprised everyone._

**Larry: **"And one more thing." he said into the mike.

_In unison, the players stood. Mystified, Lizzie gave Gordo a questioning look. Equally baffled, he shrugged._

**Larry: **"This is for you, Gordo. It's a little present that the guys and Coach want to give you."

_One by one, the team members removed their baseball caps to expose heads shaved perfectly bald. Every one of them, even her father, had shaved his head clean. People gasped, then began to applaud. Then they stood and looked toward Gordo. _

_Lizzie rose to her feet, her gaze locked on Gordo's face, a lump the size of a fist lodged in her throat. She saw tears shimmering in his eyes. Then he stood, swept off his hat from his smooth head, and bowed in tribute to the sacrifice his coach and friends had made in his honor._

_Lizzie celebrated the completion of Gordo's chemo by throwing a party at her house, and she gave it the night her parents were to go out and use their banquet gift certificate. Everyone was having fun, dancing and talking to one another but Lizzie and Gordo decided to take a walk._

_They strolled down the sloping backyard, through the tender green shoot of new grass, until they reached the huge oak tree at the far end of the yard. He leaned against the tree and pulled her against him. She felt his hands smooth her hair and heard him breahte in its fragrance._

**Gordo: **"Oh Lizzie….I'm so glad it's all over with."

_She knew he was referring to his cancer treatments._

**Lizzie: **"Me too."

**Gordo: **"Of course I still have to go for blood work every six weeks for a while. And Dr. Kessler wants another CT scan the first of June."

**Lizzie: **"I'll go with you."

**Gordo: **"I'll never forget the way you've stood up for me."

_She pulled away and realized he was being sincere._

**Lizzie: **"Gordo, I could have never left you alone in all this."

_Doubt flicked across his face._

**Gordo: **"Sometimes, I was afraid you would. It couldn't have been much fun skipping stuff at school like the dances. Guys would line up if they thought you were free of me, Lizzie."

**Lizzie: **"Line up for what? A rejection slip?"

_She reached dup and traced her fingertips along the carving in the tree._

**Lizzie: **"Remember doing this?"

_He glanced over his shoulder and read._

**Gordo: **"DG plus LM. I remember. I saw you kissing that Ronnie guy and then late at night I sneaked into your yard and carved this into your tree, knowing we'd be together one day."

**Lizzie: **"Then on my birthday you showed up on my porch holding the wad of flowers and you looked at me with those big blue eyes and I melted."

_He grinned broadly._

**Gordo: **"Once I discovered your weak spot, I never forgot."

_She snuggled close again._

**Lizzie: **"Lucky for you, I'm not allergic to flowers."

_She heard him sigh, heard the rumble of his heart against her ear, and thought she hadn't been so content since before Christmas._

**Gordo: **"Did I tell you my Uncle Steve called me?"

**Lizzie: **"When?"

**Gordo: **"Last night?"

**Lizzie: **"All the way from New York?"

**Gordo: **"He was checking on me and mom. He's a nice guy. He invited me out to visit him this summer."

**Lizzie: **"Really? What did you tell him?" she said half glad, half sorry.

**Gordo: **"I said I wasn't sure. But mom wants me to go."

**Lizzie: **"You should go." she said half heartedly.

**Gordo: **"I don't want to leave you."

**Lizzie: **"You couldn't stay long anyway, dad will expect you to show up on time for fall practice." she said not wanting him to pass up a great opportunity.

**Gordo: **"What are you going to do this summer?"

**Lizzie: **"Mom got me a job at the public library." she said wrinkling her nose.

**Gordo: **"It's not a hard job."

**Lizzie: **"I guess not. Anyway, if you can go visit your uncle, you should."

**Gordo: **"Will your write me?"

**Lizzie: **"Every day."

_He lowered his head and skimmed her mouth with his lips. Her knees went weak._

**Gordo: **"I love you, Lizzie."

**Lizzie: **"Talk is cheap." she whispered.

_He reached into his jeans and pulled out a pocket knife and got up._

**Gordo: **"Then let me spell it out for you."

_He dug the tip of the knife into the bark of the old tree, and soon, under their initials, symbols emerged…the letter I, a lopsided heart, and the letter U. He stepped back and looked at it._

**Gordo: **"Now it's in writing for the whole world to see."

_She draped her arms around his neck, rose in her tiptoes, and kissed the end of his nose._

**Lizzie: **"For the whole world to see. The whole entire world." she echoed.

_Lizzie, Gordo, and his mother were once again at the hospital on the first Friday of June for testing. Lizzie waited with Roberta while Gordo went into the radiology department for the test. She tried to read the magazine but couldn't concentrate. _

_Gordo finally came back._

**Gordo: **"Dr. Kessler wants us to wait while the radiologist reads the scan so we won't have ot come back."

_They waited another hour, until the Dr. Kessler's nurse called them up to his office on the seventh floor. They rode the elevator, Lizzie feeling as if her stomach were twisted in a knot. Perhaps it was just being back in the hospital that was making her nervous, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she wanted to see a smile in Dr. Kessler's face and hear him give Gordo a clean bill of health._

**Roberta: **"The last time your scans were negative. No reason they shouldn't be the same now."

_But when they walked into Dr. Kessler's office, he wasn't smiling. Behind him, X rays were mounted on the light board so that they glowed clearly in dull gray and white._

**Gordo: **"Is that me?"

**Dr. Kessler: **"That's you. And I'm afraid there's a problem. There's a mass in your chest."

**A/N: **"Thanks for all the reviewers, I'm glad you guys like this story! Please review more!


	6. Pushing Her Away

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Lizzie McGuire characters.

_**Previously: **_

_They waited another hour, until the Dr. Kessler's nurse called them up to his office on the seventh floor. They rode the elevator, Lizzie feeling as if her stomach were twisted in a knot. Perhaps it was just being back in the hospital that was making her nervous, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she wanted to see a smile in Dr. Kessler's face and hear him give Gordo a clean bill of health._

_**Roberta: **"The last time your scans were negative. No reason they shouldn't be the same now."_

_But when they walked into Dr. Kessler's office, he wasn't smiling. Behind him, X rays were mounted on the light board so that they glowed clearly in dull gray and white._

_**Gordo: **"Is that me?"_

_**Dr. Kessler: **"That's you. And I'm afraid there's a problem. There's a mass in your chest."_

Chapter 6-Pushing Her Away

**Gordo: **"A mass?"

**Dr. Kessler: **"A growth…..a small tumor."

_He said as he was tapping Gordo's chest._

**Dr. Kessler: **"It's here on your left side, between your lung and your heart."

_Instantly Gordo was on his feet, rage registering on his face._

**Gordo: **"What do you mean a tumor? Are you saying that I'm not well? Are you telling us that after all that stinking chemotherapy, I still have cancer?"

**Dr. Kessler: **"Hodgkin's is a tricky beast, David. Your lymph system networks your whole body. All it takes is one maverick cell to escape and settle elsewhere." he said in a calm voice.

_Roberta looked so pale, Lizzie thought she might faint, and Lizzie felt as if she herself might throw up._

**Lizzie: **"I don't believe it. I don't believe that after all Gordo's been through, he isn't cured of this thing." she cried.

**Dr. Kessler: **"He's in remission. And when caught early, seventy-five percent of all newly diagnosed Hodgkin's is curable."

**Roberta: **"What about my son?!"

**Dr. Kessler: **"This is just a setback. Usually remissions last longer."

**Gordo: **"I don't want to go back on chemo. I don't want to take that stuff again!" he shouted.

_Dr. Kessler stood and took Gordo by the shoulders._

**Dr. Kessler: **"You won't do chemo again. At least, not now. I'm going to put you into radiation treatments."

**Roberta: **"Radiation?"

**Dr. Kessler: **"Radiation will shrink the mass so that we can remove it surgically. It might possibly eliminate it altogether."

**Gordo: **"I can't miss anymore school. I'm already behind and I don't want to be sick and throwing up like before."

**Dr. Kessler: **"Radiation is not like chemo. And you will be assigned to a new doctor. A friend of mine, Dr. John Laramore, is a radiation oncologist, he'll be handling your case."

_Lizzie felt as if they were trapped in a bad dream, one that was circular and kept coming back to the same starting place. Why couldn't Gordo get out of this nightmare?_

_Dr. Kessler made several phone calls and gave Gordo fresh assurances. Then Lizzie, Gordo, and his mom left. The very next day, Gordo was to start his radiation therapy. He had planned to go to the gym and begin his weight-lifting schedule, but instead he would report to Dr. Laramore to begin another journey into the unknown._

_Lizzie's father refused to believe the news when Lizzie told him. He ranted and raved, hopped into his car, and tore over to see Gordo. Depressed, Lizzie flopped on the sofa and flipped through channels without pausing. Her mother watched her for a few mintues, then came and took the remote control form her hand and turned the television off._

**Jo: **"I'm sorry, Lizzie."

**Lizzie: **"It isn't fair mom! Gordo did exactly what the doctors told him to do…..everything! And now he's right back at square one."

**Jo: **"Maybe not. Maybe the tumor is a freak thing that the radiation will clear right up."

**Lizzie: **"Well I'm going with him tomorrow and I'm going to ask this new doctor a million questions."

**Jo: **"Lizzie….I….um….."

_Lizzie looked at her mother, who was chewing her bottom lip and looking perplexed._

**Lizzie: **"What is it, mom? What do you want to say to me? Don't tell me not to go. Because I am going."

_Her mother sighed and sat down on the outermost edge of the sofa cushion, her hands folded neatly in her lap._

**Jo: **"I wouldn't ask you not to go. I know how involved you've been in Gordo's illness."

**Lizzie: **"So what's your point?"

**Jo: **"It's just that it is Gordo's illness. You've gotten awfully wrapped up in this thing. Don't forget that you have a life to live too. You shouldn't let his health problems take over your whole life."

**Lizzie: **"I can't believe you're saying this! You know how I feel about Gordo. I can't abandon him."

**Jo: **"Don't be so dramatic. I'm not asking you to abandon him. I'm simply asking you to step back and get some perspective. You've gotten so wrapped up in this whole business that you've lost sight of your own goals and plans."

**Lizzie: **"And what goals might those be? Yours?!"

_How could her mother be so insensitive?_

**Jo: **"You haven't done a single thing about college since our discussion last November. I'm telling you, Lizzie, now is the time to start applying. All the really top colleges fill up fast. If you aren't careful…"

**Lizzie: **"I can't believe your hounding me about something as unimportant as a college application! Don't you understand, mom? Gordo's cancer is back. He's not rid of it and…….and…." her voice began to waver.

**Jo: **"I didn't mean to upset you. I thought perhaps thinking about college would take your mind off Gordo. Thinking about your future should be a fun thing." she said in her most soothing tone.

_Lizzie shook her head, and hot tears stung her eyes._

**Lizzie: **"My future? You still don't get it, do you? Without Gordo, I don't have a future. Without Gordo, I don't even want one!"

_She spun, ran form the room, and raced up the stairs, where she slammed her bedroom door hard behind her, then threw herself across the bed and sobbed._

_As soon as school was out Monday, Lizzie and Gordo headed to St. Paul's hospital, where Roberta joined them. Dr. Laramore worked in a adjoining office building, on a floor named the Cancer Center. His suite was spacious and well decorated, with stacks of magazines, tables containing half-completed jigsaw puzzles. Dr. Laramore was a pleasant looking man, trim and well built, with a mustache. He ushered Gordo, his mom, and Lizzie into his office and sat down at his desk. Lizzie took a deep breath, reached for Gordo's hand, and thought, **Here we go again**._

**Dr. Laramore: **"I've been over your records and I've studied your scans carefully. There's a growth in your chest and another, much smaller one in your groin."

_Lizzie felt Gordo's hand tighten around hers._

**Gordo: **"Dr. Kessler didn't mention that one."

**Dr. Laramore: **"It wasn't easy to detect. Besides, that's my job-to go over your scans with a magnifying glass." he paused letting the news sink in.

**Roberta: **"What will you do about it? "she asked quietly.

**Dr. Laramore: **"What we're going to do is bombard both areas with a mantle of radiation to damage these cancer cells and stop their growth. You'll be given a total of twenty treatments-five a week for a month. Nothing on the weekends."

_Gordo looked surprised._

**Gordo: **"That doesn't seem like much time. I mean compared with the chemo."

**Dr. Laramore: **"You'll be receiving very high doses of radiation, and while it will be painless, there are side effects."

**Gordo: **"Such as?"

**Dr. Laramore: **"You'll be unusually tired. And the skin in the treated area will redden, as if you've gotten a mild sunburn. Apply no lotions or creams, though, unless I okay it. And because the treatments will be on your chest area, you may have a sore throat and difficulty swallowing…..some loss of appetite is normal. You may develop a dry cough too."

_Gordo shook his head in disgust._

**Gordo: **"And the other area?"

_Dr. Laramore steepled his fingers together and let his gaze bounce between Gordo and Lizzie._

**Dr. Laramore: **"Often, Hodgkin's and the treatments for Hodgkin's can cause fertility problems." he paused, waiting for their reactions.

**Roberta: **"Are you saying that my son might never have children?"

_Roberta's question brought the problem into sharp focus for Lizzie._

**Dr. Laramore: **"It's a possibility. Although young men are more likely to regain their fertility than older men."

**Gordo: **"Any other little tidbits?"

_Gordo asked, his voice crisp, sarcastic. He did not look at Lizzie, but kept his eyes riveted in the doctor. _

**Dr. Laramore: **"That's about it. I'd like to get started as soon as possible. The first thing we'll do is define the exact area we're going to treat. We'll go back to one of the radiation rooms, where my technicians will measure, calculate, and mark you up. From the information, I'll create a graph to program the computer for your specific needs, taking into consideration your body density and the position of the tumors." he said as he stood up.

**Gordo: **"Mark me up?"

**Dr. Laramore: **"With the help of lasers, we'll literally draw lines with a marking pen in a grid pattern on your body that I'll use to determine the exact spots that will receive the radiation. Try not to wash these lines off, because we'll us them everyday."

**Gordo: **"Can I shower?"

**Dr. Laramore: **"Yes, but no soap on the marks until you've completed your treatments. The technicians will redraw the lines as they fade."

_He walked them down the hall to a room where a large machine stood in the center of the floor, a bedlike table positioned under it. There were computers in the room and outside the door, which looked heavy and strong._

**Nurse: **"It's solid steel. Can't have any radiation leaking out of it." she said as Lizzie studied it.

_Lizzie thought, **It'll be leaking into Gordo's body**, but she didn't say it. Signs on the walls read: **"Caution. X ray machines in use." **She felt as if she'd stumbled into some sort of high-tech nuclear time warp. The machines looked cold and menacing._

**Nurse: **"The two of you will have to wait in the lobby. This will take about an hour." she told Lizzie and Roberta.

**Roberta: **"An hour?"

_Roberta sounded dismayed, and seemed hesitant to let her son remain inside the steel-lined room without her._

**Dr. Laramore: **"The calculation part takes the longest. From now on, David will have a standing appointment to come in and be treated. The actual treatments take no more than a minute or so. And they're painless." he said kindly.

_After Gordo was done they went to his house. Roberta insisted Lizzie stay over for dinner. Lizzie and Gordo were up in his room talking._

**Lizzie: **"Are you sure it didn't hurt?"

**Gordo: **"It didn't hurt at all. I just had to lie really still while they drew on me."

_He lifted his shirt, and Lizzie saw bright blue lines on his skin that disappeared below the waistband of his jeans. She leaned in closer squinting._

**Lizzie: **"What are those little dots between the blue lines?" she followed the small dots down his chest with her eyes.

**Gordo: **"Permanent marks so that the technician can always line up the machine perfectly. If the radiation beam is even a tiny degree off, the wrong part of my body will get the radiation."

**Lizzie: **"I want to go with you for your treatments. What time is your next appointment?"

**Gordo: **"Everyday at three-thirty, but I don't want you to come."

**Lizzie: **"But why?" his response surprised her.

**Gordo: **"I've been thinking about it, Lizzie, and there's nothing for you to do but sit in the lobby. I'd rather go in by myself, get my treatment, then head to the gym."

**Lizzie: **"The gym? But the doctor said you'd be tired."

**Gordo: **"I don't care what the doctor said. As long as I'm able to function, I'm going to stick with my normal routine."

**Lizzie: **"But there's all that juice to drink and all those puzzles to work at the radiation center."

_She hoped humor would persuade him to let her come along._

**Gordo: **"Sitting around waiting is boring, Lizzie. I don't want you to do it anymore."

**Lizzie: **"But-"

**Gordo: **"Please. It's what I want." he interrupted.

_Every afternoon that week, Gordo left school as soon as classes were dismissed. He didn't change his mind about Lizzie accompanying him to the cancer center. In fact, he kept to himself even at school, telling Lizzie he didn't have much of an appetite and that he was skipping lunch. And in the evenings, he told her he was cramming for finals and thought it best he do it alone. On Friday, he insisted he was tired and wanted to turn in early and that she should make other plans. Confused by his behavior, but determined not to let it dishearten her, Lizzie invited Miranda over to spend the night._

_Gordo was halfway through his radiation treatments when school let out for the summer. On the last day of classes, Lizzie found him down at the construction site of the new stadium. Bulldozers were moving dirt and the rickety old bleachers had been partially torn down to make way for the new. _

**Lizzie: **"Hi!" she called over the loud noises of the machines.

**Gordo: **"Hi yourself."

Lizzie: "Looks like real progress, doesn't it?"

**Gordo: **"It's going to be a great stadium."

_She gazed up at him longingly, wishing he'd take her in his arms the way he used to do. She recalled her vow to figure out what had gone wrong between them and realized that she was more perplexed than ever. Gordo rarely asked her out these days, keeping to himself, shunning contact with almost everybody._

**Lizzie: **"So what's on your agenda for your first week of summer vacation?" she asked brightly, hoping to draw him into a conversation.

**Gordo: **"I'm doubling my efforts in the gym."

**Lizzie: **"Can you do that?" she thought he looked tired.

**Gordo: **"Dr. Laramore says I can do whatever I feel like doing, and I want to get back into shape as quick as I can."

_He sounder cross with her for even asking. They listened to the roar of the machines while Lizzie racked her brain for another topic._

**Lizzie: **"I start my job at the library Monday."

Gordo: "I hope you like it."

_If this had been a normal summer, he'd be taking her to the library and making plans to pick her up afterward. If they'd been spending their spare time together, she wouldn't feel so awkward around him. They'd be talking all the time and would know what was going on in each other's lives. _

**Lizzie: **"Once the radiation's over, what will you do?"

**Gordo: **"I'll have to go to the hospital again for day or so of testing."

**Lizzie: **"Do you want me to come with you?" she asked anxiously, hoping he'd say yes.

**Gordo: **"No. It's not a big deal. Just al those boring scans again."

**Lizzie: **"I don't mind."

**Gordo: **"Forget it. Mom and I will go."

_Again, the roar of a bulldozer broke into their conversation. Lizzie felt grateful for the interruption. His rejection stung, and she didn't trust her voice._

**Lizzie: **"And then? Do you think you'll take a summer job?" she asked after the noise died down and she regained her composure.

**Gordo: **"Who's going to hire someone like me? I could get sick again."

_He sounded bitter, and she felt sorry for him._

**Lizzie: **"So you won't do anything?"

**Gordo: **"Remember me telling you about New York? Well Uncle Steve called and said he'll send me a plane ticket the minute I agree to come."

**Lizzie: **"So your going?"

**Gordo: **"I'm going."

**Lizzie: **"How long will you stay?"

**Gordo: **"About a month. I'll be home in time for August practice."

**Lizzie: **"Of course."

_Her stomach knotted. She remembered telling him to take the vacation, and after all he'd been through he deserved to go somewhere and have fun. But she knew she'd miss him terribly, and that it wouldn't be easy seeing him leave when she wanted to be with him so much._

**Lizzie: **"I hope you have a good time in New York. Do you still want me to write you?"

**Gordo: **"If you'd like….but I won't be leaving until July."

_Lizzie decided to try one more time to lure him out of his shell. _

**Lizzie: **"How about us doing something with each other tonight? Miranda's having a party to celebrate the end of the school year. Why don't you take me?"

**Gordo: **"Um…I don't think I feel up to it. You go on without me."

**Lizzie: **"But you feel good enough to go to the gym this afternoon?"

_She'd tripped him up, and his face flushed red._

**Gordo: **"Lizzie….I never know exactly how I'm going to feel……."

**Lizzie: **"No problem. I'll go without." she said backing away.

**Gordo: **"Lizzie, I…"

_He looked troubled, but she brushed it aside, suddenly wanting to get as far away as possible form the noise of the machinery and the pain Gordo was causing her._

**Lizzie: **"I've got to go." she turned and darted off.

**Gordo**: "You'll let me know about your first day of work?" he called as she fled.

_She felt like saying, **Yeah right! **But she didn't. Because no matter how badly he was hurting her, she knew she couldn't hurt him. She couldn't because she loved him/ She couldn't because something deep inside her kept saying that he still loved her too. And it was that ray of hope that she clung to. _

_The golden sunshine of Monday morning did little to dispel Lizzie's gloom. The weekend had been long and difficult. She'd reached for the phone many times to call Gordo, but each time she'd pull back, telling herself that if he wanted to talk to her, he would call. Except he hadn't._

_She left for her new job at the library, entered the quiet building, went to Mrs. Watson's office, and knocked on the closed door. She was ushered inside by a heavy woman with graying hair and lavender-framed eyeglasses._

**Mrs. Watson: **"Lizzie! So glad you'll be working with us this summer." she said with a smile as she shook Lizzie's hand.

**Lizzie: **"Us?"

**Mrs. Watson: **"Yes. Meet my nephew, Jason Lawrence."

_She gestured to a tall slim boy with blond hair and green yes. _

**Mrs. Watson: **"Jason's a sophomore in college and he'll be living here with me this summer and working here too."

**Jason: **"Hello, Lizzie McGuire." he said with a grin.

_She smiled politely, but coolly. Mrs. Watson assigned them both work and Lizzie went on her own to do it staying as far from Jason as possible. He asked her to lunch but she said no. By the end of the work day she could barely keep from dashing out the door._

**Jason: **"Take you home? Maybe you could show me around town?" he asked as she hurried past him.

**Lizzie: **"I can't tonight, sorry." she told him and left.

_All the way home she pondered her situation. She was working with a good-looking college boy who was going to be around all summer. She was to be working with him all day, every day, for three solid months. Her situation looked like a setup and it had her mother's fingerprints all over it. She didn't feel like arguing with her mother so she decide to go to Gordo's instead, she couldn't take it anymore. She got into her car that was parked in her driveway, and sped to Gordo's house. She pounded on the door until he opened it. He looked shocked seeing her._

**Gordo: **"What's wrong?"

**Lizzie: **"That's what I'd like to know, Gordo."

_Lizzie brushed past him and planted herself in the center of his living room floor. She crossed her arms and leveled her gaze at him._

**Gordo: **"Nothing's wrong." he insisted.

**Lizzie: **"Guess again."

**Gordo: **"I don't know what you want me to say."

_She rolled her eyes in exasperation._

**Lizzie: **"You sound like my mother."

**Gordo: **"What do you mean?"

**Lizzie: **"Never mind."

_She glared at him._

**Lizzie: **"You've been ignoring me for weeks, Gordo."

**Gordo: **"No….I've just been giving you space." he said quickly.

**Lizzie: **"Space for what?"

**Gordo: **"Space. You know breathing room."

**Lizzie: **"Did I ask for breathing room?"

_He raked his fingers through his hair, which had grown to over an inch._

**Gordo: **"I don't want to fight with you, Lizzie."

**Lizzie: **"Good, because I don't wan tot fight with you either."

_She took a deep breath and held it._

**Lizzie: **"My new job is going to work out fine. There's a college guy working with me who's really nice. He wants me to go out with him."

**Gordo: **"Are you?"

**Lizzie: **"I'm considering it."

_A flood of emotions crossed Gordo's face._

**Gordo: **"Please don't."

_His voice was scarcely a whisper._

**Lizzie: **"Why shouldn't I? I mean, you're giving me all this space. I can't sit around doing nothing with it."

_He came to her with one long stride, threw his arms around her, and crushed her against his body._

**Gordo: **"Don't, Lizzie. Don't leave me. I can't make it without you." he pleaded.

'_**Your subtleties  
They strangle me  
I can't explain myself at all.  
And all the wants  
And all the needs  
All I don't want to need at all.**_

The walls start breathing  
My mind's unweaving  
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.  
A weight is lifted  
On this evening  
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,  
It ends tonight  
It ends tonight.

A falling star  
Least I fall alone.  
I can't explain what you can't explain.  
You're finding things that you didn't know  
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing  
My mind's unweaving  
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.  
A weight is lifted  
On this evening  
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight won't make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side  
It's better than being on your side  
It's my fault when your blind  
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside  
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight won't make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends

When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight won't make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.

Tonight  
Insight  
When darkness turns to light,  
It ends tonight.'

**A/N: **I hope you like this chapter, its long! The song is "It Ends Tonight" by The All American Rejects, good dong, listen to it! Please review more, thanks for all the reviews!!!!**_  
_**


	7. Good News, A Promise, & A Wedding

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Lizzie McGuire characters.

_**Previously: **_

_A flood of emotions crossed Gordo's face._

_**Gordo: **"Please don't."_

_His voice was scarcely a whisper._

_**Lizzie: **"Why shouldn't I? I mean, you're giving me all this space. I can't sit around doing nothing with it."_

_He came to her with one long stride, threw his arms around her, and crushed her against his body._

_**Gordo: **"Don't, Lizzie. Don't leave me. I can't make it without you." he pleaded._

Chapter 7-Good News, A Promise, & A Wedding

_After the way he'd been acting toward her during the past weeks, Lizzie was caught off guard by his impassioned plea._

**Lizzie: **"You've been avoiding me, Gordo. It hurts."

_Tears welled in her eyes. Her anger was gone, but not her frustration._

_Slowly Gordo released her. He took her hand and walked her to the sofa., where he sat her down and studied her face with his blue eyes, so intently that she thought she might drown in them._

**Gordo: **"Staying away from you hasn't been easy for me."

**Lizzie: **"Why would you do it in the first place? If you're miserable and I'm miserable, why would you continue to ignore me?"

**Gordo: **"That's not what I was trying to do, Lizzie."

_He sat next to her without releasing her hand. _

**Gordo: **"I……I really don't know how to explain what I've been feeling."

**Lizzie: **"Just try."

**Gordo: **"It really bummed me out when the cancer flared up again and I had to start radiation. After I went through chemo, I thought it was finished. Instead, I discovered it had just begun. Dumb of me."

**Lizzie: **"But this could be a fluke. Once you complete radiation, it'll be gone for good. You've done it all-chemo and radiation. What's left?"

**Gordo: **"If this doesn't work then I'll need a bone marrow transplant. If the cancer spreads to my bone marrow, there's no other treatment."

_A chill frosted her heart and made her stomach tighten. She'd read enough and seen enough on TV to know that bone marrow donors were scarce, mostly because it was so difficult to find a compatible match._

**Lizzie: **"You aren't there yet. And I don't think you will ever be. Chemo and radiation will fix everything. You'll see."

**Gordo: **"A lot will depend on how the tests turn out. The scans and bone marrow aspiration will tell the story."

_She squeezed his hand._

**Lizzie: **"I know. And speaking of the hospital, why won't you let me come with you? Why are you shutting me out?"

**Gordo: **"Maybe because I'm worried the scans won't be alright."

**Lizzie: **"Don't you want me with you if the news is bad?"

_He looked vulnerable and terrified._

**Gordo: **"Yeah. More than anything."

**Lizzie: **"Then let me come."

**Gordo: **"I want you to have a regular life, Lizzie. You shouldn't have to sit around hospitals and doctor's offices waiting for me. Waiting to see if my life's going down the drain or not."

**Lizzie: **"Gordo tell me what a 'regular life' is? Dating someone else?"

_He answered her question with one of his own._

**Gordo: **"Do you like this guy from the library? Do you really want to date him?"

**Lizzie: **"No way. But you're not dating me either."

**Gordo: **"It's because I hate tying you down."

_He glanced at the floor, looking ashamed._

**Gordo: **"If I love you, I should want what's best for you. You didn't sign up to have a sick boyfriend. You're beautiful, Lizzie, you should have more than I'm giving you. You should be going to parties and doing stuff that's fun."

_Her heart went out to him as the reason for his actions became clearer to her. _

**Lizzie: **"So you thought by avoiding me, I'd get interested in somebody else."

**Gordo: **"Yeah."

**Lizzie: **"But when I told you I might date somebody else…."

**Gordo: **"I couldn't stand it. I love you so much it hurts. So you see, I'm not only sick, I'm a coward too." he said cutting her off.

_She eased off the couch, knelt on the floor in front of him, rested her palms on his thighs, and gazed into his face._

**Lizzie: **"I hate what's happening to you, Gordo. I think it's unfair and horrible. But it doesn't change the way I feel about you. I still love you, and the feeling isn't going away."

_The look he gave her reminded her of a drowning man miraculously thrown a lifeline. He caressed her cheek gently and she turned her head and kissed the inside of his palm._

**Gordo: **"I'm sorry, Lizzie. Sorry if I hurt you in any way. I only want what's best for you, and sitting around and waiting for me to get well doesn't seem like something you should have to do."

**Lizzie: **"But it's what I want to do. And this time next year, when this is all over, being with you is still where I'll want to be. This time next year, you'll have a college all picked out, and wherever you go, I'll go."

**Gordo: **"But your mom-" he started to say.

**Lizzie: **"Will live with it. I figure you'll only take a scholarship to a great college, so she'll be happy when I choose the same great college. No matter how you look at it, everybody wins."

**Gordo: **"If I get offered a scholarship "

_His face clouded._

**Gordo: **"Who will want me, Lizzie? What college coach is going to take a chance on a quarterback who has cancer?"

**Lizzie: **"You'll be well by then. And remember, my dad is on your side. He won't let anybody reject you because of health problems."

**Gordo: **"You have more faith than I do."

_She patted his hand and rose._

**Lizzie: **"One of us has too."

_He stood and took her by the shoulders._

**Gordo: **"When I go for my testing in two weeks, will you come with me?"

**Lizzie: **"Absolutely." she said with satisfaction.

**Gordo: **"And this guy at the library who wants to date you?"

**Lizzie: **"Is history."

_A slow smile spread over Gordo's face, making Lizzie's knees go weak and her pulse flutter. _

**Gordo: **"Lets go to a movie, and afterward get ice cream to celebrate."

**Lizzie: **"I'd love to. I missed dinner tonight."

**Gordo: **"The I owe you. I owe you big time."

_Gordo swept her into his arms and buried her mouth into a kiss._

_Lizzie, Gordo, and his mother once again made a trip to the hospital one warm morning during the last week of June. Lizzie and Roberta waited while Gordo was getting his tests done. Gordo finally came back and sat with them to wait for Dr. Kessler._

_In the late afternoon, Dr. Kessler ushered them into his office. Lizzie's palms were sweating and she felt sick to her stomach, remembering the last time he had spoken to them and dropped the bomb about the tumor. But today, he was all smiles._

**Dr. Kessler: **"You're looking good, Gordo."

**Gordo: **"Really?"

**Roberta: **"Thanks God" she whispered, her voice trembling.

_The CT and bone scans were spread across the light board hanging on the wall behind his desk._

**Dr. Kessler: **"We won't have the results of the bone marrow aspiration for a few days, but I don't expect any surprises."

**Gordo: **"So I'm cured?"

**Dr. Kessler: **"I didn't say that."

_Lizzie's elation did a stutter-step._

**Lizzie: **"But if there aren't any bad cells?……" she began.

**Dr. Kessler: **"I prefer to think of your disease as in remission. No two cases of cancer are alike, but the longer you remain in remission, the higher the probability that you'll completely recover."

_A grin split Gordo's face._

**Gordo: **"I don't care what you call it, I just want it out of me."

**Roberta: **"What do we do now?"

**Dr. Kessler: **"Go home and have a great summer. I'll see you in three months."

_Gordo sprang out of his chair._

**Gordo: **"Let's get out of here." he said happily to his mother and Lizzie.

_After goodbyes to the doctor and staff and scheduling of another testing day in September, they headed home. Once home, they decided against a party. But Lizzie's father insisted on celebrating and took them all out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. The dinner was perfect and her father couldn't stop grinning and slapping Gordo's back and toasting him with pitchers of coke. Lizzie's mother equally happy over the news and Gordo's mother couldn't take her eyes off her son._

**Sam: **"Can't keep a good man down for long." he kept saying.

_Under the table, Gordo slipped his hand into Lizzie's, and when they returned home that night, he gave her six long-stemmed red roses-one for every week he'd isolated himself from her. She put them in a vase and fingered the petals tenderly._

**Lizzie: **"You always can get to me with flowers, David Gordon. They're beautiful."

**Gordo: **"So are you."

**Lizzie: **"I'm going to miss you when you go off to New York." she confessed.

Gordo: "I want to talk to you about that."

_She noticed his eyes were glowing and realized he'd been hiding a secret._

**Lizzie: **"What about it?"

**Gordo: **"I called my uncle and told him that as much as I appreciated his offer, I couldn't come."

**Lizzie: **"But Gordo-" she started.

**Gordo: **"Just listen. I told him that I couldn't stand being away from you, not even for a free month in New York."

_She shook her head, thrilled in one way, sorry in another._

**Lizzie: **"Call him back and tell him you're coming."

**Gordo: **"Well, that's just it. He called me last night and said that he's coming here to see me. He's bringing along his girlfriend."

**Lizzie: **"That's so cool! But you should have gone. It would have been a nice vacation."

**Gordo: **"I don't want to leave you." he said looking into her eyes.

_She slipped into Gordo's arms and kissed him._

_Lizzie and Gordo were at the airport waiting for Gordo's Uncle and his girlfriend._

**Steve: **"Gordo! Over here!"

_Gordo and Lizzie turned to see a man waving and a red-haired woman, who looked to be in her thirties, held one of his hands. After hugs, Gordo introduced Lizzie and Uncle Steve introduced the woman as Nancy O'Ryan, his "significant other." Steve insisted on first names and Lizzie liked the idea. She felt awkward calling him "Uncle." _

**Gordo: **"How was the trip?"

**Nancy: **"Perfect." she said happily.

_Steve studied Gordo's face._

**Steve: **"You look so much like my brother."

_Gordo: _"Mom's showed me photos of dad when he was my age, but I don't see a resemblance." he replied.

**Steve: **"Trust me. You're the image of him at seventeen. It's like seeing a ghost."

**Nancy: **"Steve, we should get our luggage."

**Steve: **"Yeah lets go."

_They went to the baggage claim area, and Steve and Gordo went to get Steve's and Nancy's luggage. Lizzie and Nancy hung back._

**Nancy: **"How's Gordo feeling?"

**Lizzie: **"Really good. You guys coming here has taken his mind off cancer."

**Nancy: **"Steve's been worried sick ever since he found out. We would have some earlier but we thought he was coming to us. He called and said he couldn't leave you, so we talked and decided to come."

**Lizzie: **"You guys came at the right time. He wouldn't have wanted Steve to see him following chemo anyway. He lost all his hair and got really sick. And then radiation made him tired, he wouldn't have wanted his uncle to visit then either."

**Nancy: **"Steve figured since he didn't want to come, we would come to him. Plus a vacation for us."

**Lizzie: **"Gordo's over the worst of it, and this is way he wants his uncle to see him-not sick with cancer."

**Nancy: **"I understand."

_Nancy's green eyes clouded._

**Nancy: **"My mother died from cancer five years ago, It was hard watching her suffer."

**Lizzie: **"I'm so sorry about your mom. But that's not going to happen to Gordo. His last checkup was perfect, and now all he wants is to get on with his life."

**Nancy: **"And with you cheering him on, I'm sure his life will be interesting."

_Nancy's eyes sparkled mischievously, and Lizzie blushed._

**Nancy: **"Steve told me Gordo plays football."

**Lizzie: **"Yeah. With Gordo, our high school has a great shot at going to the playoffs. At leats that's what my father says."

**Nancy: **"You make Gordo sound like a true hero."

**Lizzie: **"Okay, so I'm his biggest fan." she smiled.

**Nancy: **"Good for you." she smiled back.

_Lizzie's gaze connected with Nancy's, and she knew she had made a new friend. After Steve and Gordo came back with the luggage, they drove to Gordo's house. Steve and Nancy greeted Roberta with hugs. Roberta was in hurry because she had work. As she left they made plans to take Steve and Nancy out and show them around. They were about to leave but Steve stopped them._

**Steve: **"Before we take off, there is something very special I want you to plan on doing with us while we're here."

**Gordo: **"Name it." he tilted his head, his expression curious.

**Steve: **"It's a big favor. And we need both of you to help and of course your mom Gordo."

**Lizzie: **"Count me in." she said also curious.

_Steve reached over and laced his large fingers through Nancy's small delicate ones. _

**Steve: **"While we're here in this great city, Nancy and I want to get married. And we want you two to be our best man and maid of honor. What do you say?"

**Gordo: **"Married?"

_Gordo's face broke into a grin._

**Gordo: **"That's cool. Of course I'll be your best man."

_Lizzie felt less enthusiastic. She'd only just met them and didn't feel qualified to be a madi of honor._

**Lizzie: **"But what about your family? And how about your best friends? Won't any of them want to be in your wedding?"

_Personally, she couldn't imagine getting married without Miranda standing with her._

**Nancy: **"I'm the only one left in my family. And Steve's my best friend."

_She patted his hand affectionately._

**Nancy: **"And we made up our mind that we want the wedding to be very small and very intimate. We just want the two of you and Gordo's mom there."

**Steve: **"And I was the best man at your parents wedding. If my brother were still alive, I'd ask him, but you're his son and that's the next best thing to his being there."

**Gordo: **"When are we going to do this?"

**Steve: **"We were thinking about the week right before we go home. We saw this little chapel online up the coast and that's where we want to do it."

**Nancy: **"And the chapel is so beautiful." she added.

_By now, Lizzie was too caught up in the excitement. It all seemed so romantic. Of course she agreed to participate._

_The day of the wedding had arrived and Lizzie lay in her bed that morning thinking about all the fun she was having. The phone suddenly rang and she picked it up._

**Gordo: **"Lizzie, meet me at the chapel at ten."

**Lizzie: **"The wedding not until on."

**Gordo: **"I know, but I want to talk to you before the wedding. And I don't want to be rushed."

**Lizzie: **"Is something wrong?" she asked, feeling a flutter of fear.

**Gordo: **"I just want to talk to you. Please, it's important."

**Lizzie: **"Ok I'll be there."

_After she hung up she quickly got ready to make it in time. She got in her car and drove there._

_Lizzie pushed open the timeworn wooden door. Inside, the air was cool, candles glowed on the altar, and small rectangular windows allowed sunlight to filter into the darkness. She waited for her eyes to adjust and saw Gordo sitting in a pew near the front. She slid beside him._

**Lizzie: **"Hi. What's up?" she whispered.

_He turned to her and took her in his arms._

**Gordo: **"I wanted to be alone with you here, before the wedding and all."

_She returned his hug and felt her anxiety evaporate._

**Lizzie: **"Well, here I am."

_Gordo shifted in the pew, and Lizzie could tell that something was troubling him._

**Gordo: **"What if you could never have babies, Lizzie? Would that make you not want to marry someone?"

_Caught totally off guard by his question, Lizzie fumbled for an answer._

**Lizzie: **"Gordo, I haven't decided what college I want to attend. It's hard to think about having babies and what I might want years and years from now."

**Gordo: **"But it's important. I…..I need to know."

**Lizzie: **"Did all of Steve's talk about kids make you think about your future?"

_He shook his head._

**Gordo: **"It started me thinking about what my doctor told us about the radiation possibly making me sterile. It made me wonder if getting married knowing I might not be able to give a woman kids would make her not want to marry me in the first place."

**Lizzie: **"If having kids was the most important thing, then maybe it would make a difference. But no one knows if they're able to have kids until they start trying. I guess if babies are that important to a couple, and they can't have their own, then they adopt. It seems like the world's full of unwanted babies."

**Gordo: **"That's true, but I want to know how important having children is to you."

**Lizzie: **"Why?"

**Gordo: **"Because I love you, Lizzie."

**Lizzie: **"I love you too."

**Gordo: **"Because I want to marry you."

_The atmosphere in the chapel became charged, and Lizzie could scarcely hold in her breath. Her heart hammered against her rib cage._

**Lizzie: **"Didn't you ask me that in the sixth grade?"

_He smiled at the memory, easing the tension._

**Gordo: **"Yes, and you said, 'Get lost, bozo.'"

**Lizzie: **"Ouch! Was I that mean?"

**Gordo: **"You've made up for it."

**Lizzie: **"So is this a genuine marriage proposal?"

_He took her hand._

**Gordo: **"There's never been anybody else for me except you, Lizzie McGuire. And there never will be."

_Her heart melted._

**Lizzie: **"And you're afraid I might not want marry you if I know you might not be able to have children?"

**Gordo: **"You should have a choice."

**Lizzie: **"You're my choice." she said softly.

_A smile of joy and relief lit his face._

**Gordo: **"That's what I wanted you to say. You already told me that the cancer didn't matter to you, but I had to know for sure how you felt about this baby thing."

**Lizzie: **"Now you know."

_He straightened his leg, dug in the pocket of his jeans, and withdrew a small box. _

**Gordo: **"This is for you."

_Heart pounding she opened it and saw a ring of fine silver, intricately carved, with a turquoise set in its center._

**Lizzie: **"It's gorgeous." she whispered.

**Gordo: **"It's Mexican. Long ago, before soldiers went off to war, they gave this kind of ring to their special girl as a signal to others she was taken."

**Lizzie: **"So is this my engagement ring?"

**Gordo: **"It's a promise ring."

_Gordo removed it from the box and slipped it onto her third finger of her left hand._

**Gordo: **"It's a promise that someday I'll buy you a diamond engagement ring, when I can really plan on marrying you. I know you have college and I know your mother will kill me if you don't go."

_Tears filmed her eyes as she held out her hand to stare at the ring._

**Lizzie: **"We both have college." she reminded him.

**Gordo: **"Well, the jury's still uncertain about my future."

**Lizzie: **"Don't say that! You can't promise to marry me and then say you might not have a future. I won't hear it." she said with an urgent tone.

**Gordo: **"Knowing that you want to marry me someday gives me more to look forward to that anything else ever could." he said in an attempt to calm her.

**Lizzie: **"Even more than playing football?'

**Gordo: **"Football's only a game. You are real life."

_He leaned forward and, in the quiet sanctity of the chapel, he kissed her lovingly on her lips._

_Hours later, Lizzie returned to the chapel with a nervous Nancy and Steve. Since the ceremony was to be small, Nancy didn't walk down the aisle. She joined Steve at the altar in front of the priest. Lizzie thought Nancy looked beautiful in a simple white summer dress. A white lace Spanish mantilla covered her head and flowed down her shoulders. Her bouquet was made up of lilies mixed with pale purple orchids. Steve's eyes gazed at her, reminding Lizzie of candles alight with fire. Lizzie wore a sundress, carried a bouquet of daisies and gardenias, and quivered with excitement and anticipation. Someday, she would be the bride, and Gordo her groom._

_Gordo stood beside Steve, looking lean and fit in a navy-blue suit. The family resemblance between nephew and uncle was striking. Roberta was sitting on the front pew watching with excitement. During the speaking of the vows, Gordo caught Lizzie's eye, and it was as if every word the priest spoke was meant for them also: **"…….for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part."**_

_The words took a new meaning for Lizzie. Getting married was serious business-a life and death commitment. A pledge to be joined with one other person for all earthly time. And when the person you loved, as she loved Gordo, already had a life-threatening illness, the promise seemed more profound. _

_She locked gazes with Gordo and saw his love for her shining in his eyes. She smiled, hoping to communicate that she was willing to make such a commitment to him. That she was willing to stand by him no matter what his future held._

_She fingered the silver and turquoise ring on her finger-his promise ring. Silently, she promised to love and stick by him until they could say their vows before God and formally pledge their love for all time._

**A/N: **Sorry the last part didn't have much dialogue. Hope you like this chapter. Thanks for all the reviews. Please review more!!!!


	8. Collapsing

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Lizzie McGuire characters.

Chapter 8-Collapsing 

_Steve and Nancy had left the next day for their honeymoon. That morning Miranda came over to Lizzie's house. Lizzie told her about the ring Gordo had given her._

**Miranda: **"A promise ring! Oh, Lizzie, that's so romantic."

**Lizzie: **"When he gave it to me in the chapel, my heart almost stopped."

_Lizzie held out her hand, allowing the ring to catch the light of the morning sun coming through her bedroom window._

**Lizzie: **"I'm never going to take it off."

**Miranda: **"This means your practically engaged. Are you sure you can wait to get married until you're out of college? That's years from now."

**Lizzie: **"I know, but Gordo should have a chance to play college ball and I really would like to have some kind of career. If you could have met Nancy and seen how cool she was, you'd understand. Besides, not that Gordo and I are sure that we want to get married, we can take our time about it. But you're right-it is going to be hard to wait." she added wistfully.

**Miranda: **"Well, I don't think it's fair for one person to have so much going for her. But…"

_Miranda smiled at her._

**Miranda: **"If it has to be somebody, I'm glad it's you."

**Lizzie: **'Thanks. What's hard for me now isn't thinking about college, but thinking about high school. I'm bored already, and my senior year hasn't eve started."

_She hugged her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them._

**Lizzie: **"So how was your summer? Sorry we didn't get to hang out. And how did my job go? What was Jason like?"

_Miranda wrinkled her nose._

**Miranda: **"It's ok, I know you had fun with Gordo. And as for the job and Jason, well, the best I can say about the whole experience is that I got a regular paycheck."

**Lizzie: **"Pretty dull, huh?"

**Miranda: **"Jason discovered Kate Sanders and spent the whole month of July trailing after her. It was disgusting! Don't guys have any self-respect?"

_Lizzie giggled._

**Lizzie**: "Well at least that kept her away from Larry, didn't it?"

**Miranda: **"Yes, but…..It didn't give me a chance to have an adventure like you. And Jason is going home soon, but Kate will still be here. So, I guess it'll be another year of keeping her away form Larry."

**Lizzie: **"You can do it. I know you can."

_Miranda made an outrageous face._

**Miranda: **"How's Gordo feeling?"

**Lizzie: **"Great actually. He's been working out this summer. Every morning he and his uncle would go to the gym."

**Miranda: **"I'm sure this whole mess is behind him."

**Lizzie: **"Me too."

_She gazed down lovingly at the ring._

**Lizzie: **"Especially now, when we have so much going for us."

_On Friday, Gordo and Lizzie had Miranda and Larry over to her house for an all-night movie marathon. Her father told the boys it was their last all-nighter. Football practice would be starting soon and he wanted them to be ready for it. _

_In a way, Lizzie resented the imposition of the schedule, but with Gordo looking so forward to resume playing, she kept her feelings to herself. Practices were called for three hours each morning and two hours for each afternoon at the nearby middle school field, which would be their temporary home field for the fall season. In the grueling August heat, Gordo was so exhausted he fell asleep early each night, leaving Lizzie to spent her time hanging out with her friends and getting ready for the start of the school year. _

_On Labor day, her father had his annual barbecue bash for all the players on his team. He fired up a massive grill in the backyard and fed over thirty guys, from incoming freshman to seniors. Gordo was clearly the hero of the day. A newspaper reporter showed up, interviewing him, took pictures of Gordo and the team, and told Gordo there'd be a front page story in Sunday's sport section._

_Late in the afternoon, Gordo whisked Lizzie away to the high school and the football stadium, which was still under construction. They climbed up a new set of concrete bleachers and settled on the highest bleacher. Below, the field appeared green, with wispy strands of grass, but the underground sprinkling system had yet to be installed and the final sod hadn't been put down. Since the growing season was all but over, it would be spring before the new turf could be installed. _

**Gordo: **"Too bad I won't get to play here."

Lizzie: "This time next year, you'll be throwing for some college. Dad says USC coach has contacted him about you."

**Gordo: **"USC and UCLA. I wish I could play for both of them."

**Lizzie: **"I've never seen dad so eager about the start of a new season. He's driving me and mom crazy with football talk."

_Gordo puckered his brow._

**Gordo: **"Everybody's counting on me, Lizzie. I hope I don't let them down."

**Lizzie: **"You'll do great. Just make sure you don't get hurt."

_He grinned._

**Gordo: **"Larry's my main man up front, and he says he'll take off anybody's head who sacks me."

**Lizzie: **"And if he doesn't, he'll have Miranda and me to face."

**Gordo: **"That'll keep him scared enough to do his job."

**Lizzie: **"It better."

_She twined her fingers through his._

**Lizzie: **"I got a postcard from Steve and Nancy in Paris."

**Gordo: **"Me too. They sound like they're having fun."

**Lizzie: **"Nancy says she wishes we were with them and that when we take a honeymoon, we have to include Paris on our tour. What do you think?"

**Gordo: **"If we can afford it by then."

**Lizzie: **"Are you kidding? By then, you'll be a Heisman Trophy winner and a first round draft pick for the NFL."

**Gordo: **"I like the way you think, Lizzie."

_He said with a laugh._

**Gordo: **"I never would have thought I would change mind about being a director in middle school but now things are different. I've dreamed about playing pro ball since I got a love for it in my freshman year. But I don't know."

**Lizzie: **"You still should."

_He shrugged._

**Gordo: **"Let's face it, I may not be anyone's first choice anymore. Cancer has a way of scaring pro scouts off."

_She linked her arm through his._

**Lizzie: **"You're my first choice."

_He leaned over and kissed the tip of her nose._

**Gordo: **"Then get a good education, in case you end up supporting me."

_She grimaced._

**Lizzie: **"Isn't it enough I get this from my mother? Do I have to get it form you too?"

**Gordo: **"She's on your case again about picking a college?"

**Lizzie: **"She's never gotten off my case. SO give me your top three choices and I'll tell her and she can start sending off for applications."

**Gordo: **"You're really serious about going where I go?"

**Lizzie: **"Of course. Unless you want to be separated for four years."

**Gordo: **"Not hardly."

_He studied her face for a minute._

**Gordo: **"It's just that I want you to do what you really want, not feel tied down by promises you made to me."

_She held out her hand._

**Lizzie: '**Then this ring doesn't mean anything?"

**Gordo: **"It means I love you and want to marry you."

**Lizzie: **"That's what I want. And so going to a college far away from you isn't likely."

_The sky was darkening, threatening rain._

**Gordo: **"We'd better head home before we get drenched." he said pulling her to her feet.

_They hurried down the steps and onto the filed. The ground was lumpy and hard. Lizzie jogged ahead to the center of the field, stopped, and tried to imagine what it would be like to play a game with hundreds of people cheering and yelling her name. She couldn't. Yet for Gordo, she knew, it was a common occurrence._

_Gordo came alongside, picked up a stick, tossed it high in the air, and caught it while she cheered. _

**Gordo: **"Our first game is against Hammond next Friday. Your father thinks we'll wipe up the field with them."

**Lizzie: **"One thing my father knows is football. If he thinks we'll win, we probably will."

_Gordo gazed over the field, letting his vision sweep from one end to the other._

**Gordo: **"Yeah…..this is going to be one great field."

_He took the stick and scrawled symbols in the dirt. He made the letter I, drew a heart, and then scrawled the letter U. It was the same "I love you" message he'd carved on Lizzie's backyard the previous May._

**Lizzie: **"Don't let my dad see you marking up his field. Football players are supposed to be tough, not wimps who fall in love." she teased.

_His eyes twinkled._

**Gordo: **"Is that what I am, a wimp?"

**Lizzie: **"Yup, a wimp." she said as large drops of rain began to splat against the ground.

**Gordo: **"You call me-a guy who's going to be on the front page of the sports section-a wimp?"

_Playfully she stuck out her tongue and darted off. He chased her down and began tickling her sides._

**Gordo: **"Who's a wimp, huh?"

_Lizzie shrieked with laughter and fell to the ground, rolling every which way to evade his fingers. Rain fell in sheets, stinging Lizzie's skin and soaking them both. In minutes they were streaked with mud, but Lizzie didn't care._

_Pressing her to the ground with his body, Gordo pinned her arms over her head._

**Gordo: **"Beg for mercy." he said above the sound of the pouring rain.

**Lizzie: **"Never." she cried.

_Water streamed off him and his eyes looked like glowing coals. Lizzie felt a surge of fire course through her body and was surprised that her skin wasn't sizzling with the heat._

**Gordo: **"Then suffer the consequences." he said.

_He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her long and deep while the rain washed over them and thunder clapped in the sky._

_By the end of September, the Hillridge Warriors were 5 and 0 and ranked number one in their division in the state. Gordo got most of the credit for team leadership, while being lauded for keeping a cool head under pressure and for his golden throwing arm, and Lizzie had never seen her father more excited about a team._

**Sam: **"This team is the best. And Gordo is absolutely the finest player I've ever coached-one in a million." he'd say each morning after a victory.

**Lizzie: **"I agree dad. He's one in a million." she'd reply.

_But for Lizzie, his stellar status had little to do with football. She loved him so much it was becoming increasingly difficult to think about waiting until they both finished college to get married._

_Meanwhile her mother never left her alone about picking a college. To appease her, Lizzie sent off for applications to USC and UCLA. _

**Jo: **"Why USC?" she asked.

**Lizzie: **"Why not? It's a great school."

**Jo: **"Well what course of study are you interested in taking? Some colleges concentrate on one area than another. If I know what you're interested in, I can search for schools on the internet that offer your area of interest and you can apply to them."

**Lizzie: **"I'm not sure. Isn't it enough I'm picking some colleges without having to determine the entire course of my college career before I even begin?"

**Jo: **"That's not what I meant."

**Lizzie: **"Can we just drop it, mom?'

_Her mother studied her thoughtfully._

**Jo: **"I'm not stupid, Lizzie. I know you're ambivalent because you want to wait and see where Gordo chooses to attend."

_Lizzie saw no reason to argue about it._

**Lizzie: **"So what? Only the best colleges are recruiting him, so it's not as if I'll pick a bad one."

**Jo: **"You need to pick a college based on your needs-not Gordo's."

**Lizzie: **"Mom, please, stop it. I'm doing the best that I can.'

_Frusterated, her mother turned her back and swept from the room._

_Lizzie was at the mall one Saturday afternoon when she ran into Gordo's mother. They went to the food court, ordered ice cream, and sat together to eat it._

**Roberta: **"I don't get to see much of you anymore. If it weren't for home games, I doubt I'd see you at all." she said between bites.

**Lizzie: **"I miss coming over. Blame my dad. He's so fixated on this season, he practically keeps the team under lock and key. It's so frustrating."

_Roberta smiled._

**Roberta: **"You think you're frustrated. You should see Gordo pacing the floor wishing he could be with you."

_The news thrilled Lizzie. She liked knowing Gordo missed being with her._

**Lizzie: **"He has a lot of pressure on him."

**Roberta: **"That's true, and I've mentioned to him he shouldn't be too intense, that the entire fate of the football season doesn't rest on his shoulders. It looks to me as if he's losing weight,, and I'm afraid he's worrying too much about the season."

_Lizzie set down her spoon._

**Lizzie: **"But he's feeling alright, isn't he?"

**Roberta: **"He says he is."

_Seeing Roberta's concern upset Lizzie._

**Lizzie: **"He told me his checkup went fine. It did, didn't it?"

**Roberta: **"I haven't heard otherwise."

_Ironically, on the day Gordo had been scheduled to go to St. Paul's for testing, Roberta had work she couldn't miss and Lizzie had been scheduled to take her SAT exams. Gordo insisted that he could go through the routine without them and that if there were any problems with his blood work or bone scans, he'd be notified. The day after, the Warriors had played one of their top rivals and Gordo had led them to another victory._

_Lizzie picked up her spoon and dug into her ice cream._

**Lizzie: **"Well I'm sure that if anything were wrong, you'd have been notified by Dr. Kessler."

**Roberta: **"You're right. Gordo says I shouldn't obsess about every little lost pound or sniffle he has."

_Roberta smiled wanly._

**Roberta: **"I know he's right, but it's hard for me not to. Last winter and spring were the longest days of my life. I just couldn't believe Gordo was having such problems. He's always been perfectly healthy."

**Lizzie: **"We shouldn't think about those bad times. The important thing is that he's fine now and on the way to the rest of his life." she smiled.

_Roberta laughed._

**Roberta: **"I don't know what he'd do without you, Lizzie. He's been crazy about you since he was a kid."

**Lizzie: **"That's nice of you to say. I'm crazy about him, too."

_The food court tables had filled with the lunch crowd while they'd been talking, and the smells of fats food hung in the air. Roberta glanced nervously from side to side._

**Roberta: **"Um….I don't mean to pry, but I'm curious about some things."

**Lizzie: **"Ask me."

**Roberta: **"You and Gordo have discussed marriage, haven't you?"

_Now it was Lizzie's turn to cast a nervous glance._

**Lizzie: **"I suppose we have."

**Roberta: **"Don't be concerned, I'm not against it. But I really want Gordo to go to college."

**Lizzie: **"He'll go. How can he not go with all these college football coaches after him?"

_Roberta smiled and relaxed._

**Roberta: **"I'm so happy, Lizzie. I want so many things for Gordo, and he's so close to getting some of them."

_Lizzie understood, and only wished her own mother could be as flexible as Gordo's._

**Lizzie: **"I won't take his dreams away."

**Roberta: **"Please don't think I'm prying or trying to tell you what to do. One of the things he wants-that he's always wanted-is you. And I won't interfere with any plans the two of you made."

**Lizzie: **"It's alright. Gordo and I plan to have it all." she insisted.

_Roberta's round face broke into a broad smile._

**Roberta: **"And you will. I'm positive of that. With all that the two of you have going for you, you'll have everything life has to offer."

_Lizzie was thankful of Roberta's approval, only wishing that Gordo was their to share it. That night, the Warriors would play their home game, and afterward, there was to be a dance in the gym. Gordo would be taking her and there'd be no early curfew, so she could spend hours with him._

**Lizzie: **"Sit with Miranda, Mom, and me at the game tonight."

**Roberta: **"I'd love to." she responded.

_That night, the air was crisp and cold, perfect for playing football. The middle school stands were packed to overflowing, as the game was one of the biggest rivalries. TV cameras and newspaper photographers had special field passes and crews were set up along one end zone._

_In the stands, behind the Warrior's bench on the fifty-yard line, Lizzie watched Gordo warm up on the field throwing passes as her father paced furiously along the sidelines._

**Miranda: **"So where do you think they are?" she asked, craning her neck at the crowds sitting behind them.

**Lizzie: **"Who?"

**Miranda: **"The college scouts! Larry said the stands would be full of them for tonight's game."

_Lizzie's father had told her the same thing. But Lizzie wasn't interested in talking about scouts. She kept her gaze on Gordo, who seemed to be having trouble with his passes. Miranda followed her line of vision._

**Miranda: **"I'm sure he's just nervous. Wait until the game starts."

_Yet, when the game started, Gordo didn't improve. Only a clever play by the defense kept the other team from going out in front during the second quarter. Lizzie anxiously twisted the blanket across her lap. Gordo couldn't blow it now. Not with so many important people watching._

_She saw her father call Gordo to the sidelines and lecture him sternly. Gordo had ripped off his helmet and Lizzie could see that he was grimacing and sweating profusely._

**Gordo: **"I wish Dad would get off Gordo's case." she told her mother irritably.

**Jo: **"Never tell your father how to coach a game. One way or another he gets the best from his boys. And Gordo's his pride and joy."

_Her mother's words didn't comfort Lizzie, whose mood only darkened when Gordo took a hard hit minutes before the half ended._

**Lizzie: **"Where was his protection?" she shouted, springing to her feet.

_She glared down at Miranda._

**Lizzie: **"Larry's supposed to cover him!"

**Miranda: **"Don't yell at me!" she exclaimed.

_Angry and agitated, Lizzie sat down, only to watch Gordo being helped off the field and taken to the locker room. The announcer commented about Gordo being shaken up on the play, and Lizzie's anger turned to anxiety. She longed to rush off to the gym, but knew she'd never get inside._

**Roberta: **"He'll be alright."

_Mercifully the half ended and Sam jogged with his team off the field. The roar of the crowd dropped to a lull._

**Jo: **"Should I go get popcorn?" she asked.

_Lizzie shook her head and snapped._

**Lizzie: **"How can you ask about popcorn when Gordo's hurt?"

**Roberta: **"I'll go with you." she said, heading off an argument.

_Jo and Roberta stood, but didn't leave, because someone called their names. Lizzie turned to see Brett Welsh, on of the new freshmen on the team, hurrying toward them. He was in uniform, but because he hadn't played, his jersey was clean and unmarked._

**Brett: **"Coach sent me." he said climbing up the few rows to where they sat.

**Lizzie: **"What's wrong with Gordo?"

_She asked but her heart thudded rapidly in her chest._

**Lizzie: **"I know something's wrong. Tell me."

_Brett's eyes were wide as saucers and his skin looked pale, as if he'd had a great fright. _

**Brett: **"Gordo collapsed in the locker room. He's being taken to the hospital." he finally said.

**Roberta: **"Which one?"

**Brett: **"St. Paul's."

_Lizzie grabbed her purse and car keys, but her mother pulled them from her hands, then took both Lizzie and Roberta firmly by their elbows._

**Jo: **"Come on. I'll drive."

**A/N: **Here is another chapter. Thanks for the reviews guys, it's really inspiring to read all your kind words, thanks again! Please review more!!!!


	9. I Don’t Want To Die

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Lizzie McGuire characters.

_**Previously:**_

_**Brett: **"Coach sent me." he said climbing up the few rows to where they sat._

_**Lizzie: **"What's wrong with Gordo?"_

_She asked but her heart thudded rapidly in her chest._

_**Lizzie: **"I know something's wrong. Tell me."_

_Brett's eyes were wide as saucers and his skin looked pale, as if he'd had a great fright. _

_**Brett: **"Gordo collapsed in the locker room. He's being taken to the hospital." he finally said._

_**Roberta: **"Which one?"_

_**Brett: **"St. Paul's."_

_Lizzie grabbed her purse and car keys, but her mother pulled them from her hands, then took both Lizzie and Roberta firmly by their elbows._

_**Jo: **"Come on. I'll drive."_

Chapter 9-I Don't Want To Die

**Lizzie: **"Why is it taking so long?"

_Lizzie paced the floor of the emergency room waiting area like a caged cat._

**Jo: **"I'm sure the doctors have to check him over completely." she said in an attempt to calm her.

_Even Gordo's mother hadn't been allowed behind the doors to the room where Gordo was being examined. She sat tight-lipped on the edge of a chair, clutching her hands nervously in her lap._

**Lizzie: **"Don't they know we're worried? Don't they know how hard it is to wait and wait?"

_Lizzie continued to pace. Her hands felt clammy and cold and her heart raced._

**Lizzie: **"I wish dad was here."

**Jo: "**You know he'll be here as soon as he can get away from the game."

**Lizzie: **"That stupid game is the cause of all this." she cried.

_Miranda, who'd insisted on coming to offer Lizzie whatever support she could, said nothing and watched Lizzie pace._

_A doctor emerged behind the treatment room doors._

**Doctor: **"Are you with David Gordon?"

**Roberta: **"I want to see my son."

_Roberta hurried to the doctor's side._

**Roberta: **"What's wrong with him? How is he?"

**Doctor: **"He has a concussion. He's alert, but extremely fatigued, and we want to hold him overnight for observation and keep a check on his vital signs. He's being moved upstairs a room. Dr. Portage has been notified and will be here soon to check on your son."

_Lizzie remembered the doctor who'd first treated Gordo for the infection that had become Hodgkin's. At least he was familiar with Gordo, and she was glad that Gordo would be with a doctor he knew._

**Lizzie: **"Where's his room?" she asked.

_When they were allowed to see Gordo, it was all Lizzie could do to hold back until after his mother had fussed over him. When it was Lizzie's turn, she put her arms around him and buried her face in his neck._

**Lizzie: **"Oh, Gordo, I've been so scared."

**Gordo: **"I got hit, and then I got dizzy and fell in the locker room. I don't remember much, except that I was playing really bad."

_Lizzie thought he looked really pale, and in spite of the coolness of the room, he was perspiring._

**Lizzie: **"Just as long as you're alright."

**Gordo: **"We're going to lose the game because of me."

**Lizzie: **"Forget the game. It doesn't matter now."

**Gordo: **"It matters to me."

_They stayed with him until her father arrived. He barreled into the room and tore to Gordo's bedside. Lizzie saw worry lines etched in his brow._

**Sam: **"I got here as soon as I could. How are you doing, son?"

**Gordo: **"Did we lose?" was all Gordo wanted to know.

**Sam: **"Hey, you win some, you lose some. That's the way the game goes."

**Gordo: **"So we lost." he turned his head toward the wall.

**Sam: **"Don't worry about it. We'll meet them again in the district playoffs and we'll kick butt."

_Gordo didn't seem mollified._

**Gordo: **"And how about the scouts? I guess they saw me play the worst game of my career."

**Sam: **"On game won't make or break your future, Gordo. They'll be back."

**Gordo: **"They'll say I blew it when it mattered, when I was under pressure."

**Sam: **"No they won't. Stop worrying about it. Get some rest, and as soon as the doctors say you can go back to playing, you will. You might miss one game at the most."

**Gordo: **"I'll miss more than that." he said enigmatically.

_His blue eyes looked so unbearably sad that Lizzie felt cold fingers of fear squeeze her heart._

**Sam: **"Not because of a little bump on your head. Wait and see."

**Gordo: **"Sure. Whatever you say, Coach."

_**The next day:**_

**Dr. Portage: **"Something's come up in David's blood work"

_Dr. Portage told Gordo's mother the following day when she and Lizzie had come to visit Gordo. He'd caught them just as they were about to go into Gordo's room._

**Roberta: **"What do you mean?"

**Dr. Portage: **"I'm having his radiologist look over some X rays and test results, and I've ordered a bone marrow aspiration."

_Lizzie felt sick to her stomach, as if someone had punched her. _

**Roberta: **"But he just had those tests last month."

**Dr. Portage: **"No, he didn't."

_Dr. Portage closed the chart he'd been holding and looked at Gordo's mother gravely._

**Dr. Portage: **"I asked for his records from his other doctors. Hi last checkup was in June."

_Lizzie reeled at the news. That was before Gordo's Uncle and Nancy came._

**Lizzie: **"But he said he got his checkup." she blurted out.

**Dr. Portage: **"Well he didn't. According to his records, he never came."

**Roberta: **"Why did you lie to me, Gordo?"

_Lizzie watched Gordo's face as his mother asked him. He looked ashamed and pale. Ghostly pal._

**Gordo: **"I rescheduled my appointment, that's all. I was feeling good and so I figured I could postpone it for a while. I would have gone as soon as football season was over."

**Roberta: **"Football season! Since when is football more important than your health?"

_He looked helplessly at Lizzie, who struggled to hold back tears._

**Gordo: **"Everybody was expecting so much from me. I….I didn't want to let them down."

**Roberta: **"Who would have you let down? Everybody knew you'd been sick. Nobody held you accountable."

**Gordo: **"Mom, please, I'm not up to fighting about this. I feel awful right now."

_Roberta's expression didn't soften, but before she could speak, Dr. Portage called her out of the room and Lizzie found herself alone with Gordo. She crossed her arms and dabbed at her eyes._

**Lizzie: **"I would have skipped my SATs and gone with you, if you'd asked. Why didn't you ask me?" she told him.

**Gordo: **"I told you, I would have gone later."

**Lizzie: **"Did my dad put pressure on you? Because if he did-"

**Gordo: **"Lizzie, stop it. Everybody put pressure on me! Don't you understand?"

**Lizzie: **"I didn't put pressure on you. I only want you to play football because it means so much to you."

_Gordo pulled himself up and hoisted his legs over the side of the bed, grunting in discomfort. He took a few deep breaths and stared at Lizzie, his blue eyes became darker by the paleness of his skin. He looked miserable._

**Gordo: **"It's true you never pressured me to play ball, but you put plenty of pressure on me to be well."

**Lizzie: **"How? When? I never did."

**Gordo: **"You tell me all the time, 'Now that you're over cancer,' and, 'You're fine…..time to get on with your life.'"

_Stricken by his words, stunned by his accusation, Lizzie began to recall all the itmes she'd said such things._

**Lizzie: **"But I was only trying to be positive. I was only trying to encourage you."

**Gordo: **"Don't you think I want to be well, Lizzie? Don't you think I want to be normal? And play ball? And marry you? Don't you think if being positive would make me well, I would be well?"

_Tears spilled down her cheeks as his words fell like blows._

**Lizzie: **"But the tests-" she started to say.

**Gordo: **"I had one good checkup after my radiation treatments. Then I had the best summer of my life, with you, and then I had to face going back for more testing and maybe hear that I was sick again. And everybody wanted me to be well so much. And……I wanted it…….so much."

_He hung his head and took deep breaths before continuing._

**Gordo: **"So it was easy to put off going for the testing. Maybe I figured what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me."

_She ached for him, for her._

**Lizzie: **"Oh, Gordo….."

**Gordo: **"I told myself there'd be a time to get checkups after the season was over. After the tem went to the state finals. I wanted that so bad, Lizzie. So, I kept playing, kept ignoring what was happening, even when the symptoms started coming back."

**Lizzie: **"You've been sick?"

_He shrugged, refused to meet her gaze._

**Gordo: **"First it was fatigue. Then the night sweats. I washed my sheets so Mom wouldn't know. I knew I was in trouble, but I kept pushing myself. I didn't want tp let anybody down. I didn't want to find out the truth."

**Lizzie: **"That you're out of remission."

_She finished flatly. She felt as if someone had pulled a plug on her emotions and drained them all away._

**Gordo: **"Yes."

**Lizzie: **"Do you know for sure?"

_He looked up into her eyes._

**Gordo: **"I know how I feel, Lizzie. I've been here before. And in ER, once they read my chart and saw that I'd been treated for Hodgkin's, they wanted to do a bone marrow. That's not a routine test for a head injury, you know."

_She looked at her hands, as the promise ring that now seemed to mock her, to ridicule all it had stood for between her and Gordo._

**Lizzie: **"I'm sorry if I cause you any harm by insisting that you be well. I didn't mean to make you skip your testing."

_For the first time since they'd been talking, Gordo reached out and touched Lizzie. He smoothed her hair and ran his fingers tenderly along her cheek._

**Gordo: **"I'm not blaming you. I would never blame you. It was my choice. Coach always taught us to take responsibility."

_He offered a humorless chuckle._

**Gordo: **"No, I knew the chance I was taking. I knew the consequences. All testing would have done was confirm what I already knew."

_Fresh tears spilled from Lizzie's eyes, and slowly Gordo took her in his arms, where she sobbed, soaking his hospital shirt._

**Lizzie: **"I love you so much." she managed between sobs.

**Gordo: **"Loving you was all I had to hang on to sometimes. When I'd wake up at night, sweaty and nauseous, I'd remember our summer together and that church, and all our fun times. It got me through."

_Lizzie didn't know how long she had been clinging to him, but when Roberta and Dr. Portage returned to the room, she was still in Gordo's arms. She pulled away reluctantly._

**Dr. Portage: **"David, we need to talk."

_The expression on Roberta's face told Lizzie what he was going to say before he spoke._

**Dr. Portage: **"There are cancer cells in your bone marrow."

_Gordo's emotion could be seen only in a tightening along his jaw line._

**Gordo: **"So where do I go from here?"

**Dr. Portage: **"They'll start looking for a compatible donor via computer in the national marrow registry. Unfortunately, the task is complicated because you have a rare blood type."

_Gordo didn't flinch._

**Gordo: **"Is that all?"

**Dr. Portage: **"They'll put you back onto chemo maintenance to inhibit the spread as much as possible until a donor's found."

**Gordo: **"So I guess this means I'll be out for the rest of the season."

_Gordo's attempt at humor brought a thin smile to the doctor's lips._

**Dr. Portage: **"Shall I write a note to your coach excusing you form play?"

**Gordo: **"How about you write one to God instead? Tell him to find me a donor."

_Gordo pulled Lizzie closer._

**Gordo: **"Tell him……I don't want to die."

**A/N: **Sorry this is shorter than the other chapters. I can't fit everything in one. Please review!!!!


	10. Fighting For His Life

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Lizzie McGuire characters.

Chapter 10-Fighting For His Life

_Gordo had his chemo device implanted and his dose regulated. Upon returning home, he stubbornly started school again, and his baseball hat once more became a familiar sight in the halls and classrooms._

_News of his need for a bone marrow donor made the front page in the local paper and was picked up by the Associated Press national news service. He got calls, offers of money, requests for TV interviews, everything except a compatible donor. He asked for nothing, preferring to stay out of the limelight. By fielding calls and running interference, Coach saw to it that Gordo and his mother weren't bothered._

_At school, Larry rallied the football team, as well as the student body, and he and Miranda initiated a bone marrow testing day. A doctor and three nurses came from St. Paul's with syringes and vials for blood samples, along with permission slips. Most of the students lined up after school to have their blood tested for a possible match. The Coach was first in line. Lizzie was second. It touched her, seeing the support and caring Gordo inspired in their classmates. The paper covered that event also, but she couldn't bring herself to read the stories. They left her sad and depressed……and scared. She knew that a bone marrow transplant was Gordo's only hope for survival. He was getting sicker and balder and more gaunt from the chemo and the relentless advance of his cancer. Lizzie, knew time was running out for him. A donor had to be found…..and found soon._

_As October faded into November, Gordo was able to attend school less and less. On the days he did come, Larry picked him up and Lizzie drove him home. Yet he rarely wanted to go home until they visited the new stadium, which was now almost fully constructed. Even on cold blustery days, he insisted on going. Lizzie would take his hand and they'd slowly climb the bleachers, sit, and gaze down at the field._

**Gordo: **"I wish I could play football again."

_Gordo said wistfully one November afternoon._

**Lizzie: **"If those doctors find you a donor in time, you will." she answered.

**Gordo: **"Don't you ever give up?"

**Lizzie: **"No. And neither should you."

_He entwined his fingers with hers._

**Gordo: **"When you're up against a superior enemy, sometimes it's okay to bow out gracefully." he said quietly.

_She whirled to face him._

**Lizzie: **"I hate when you talk so negatively. A donor will be found. And you will go to college and play football."

**Gordo: **"Come on. I don't like arguing with you."

_He managed one of his endearing grins._

**Gordo: **"I'm a lover, not a fighter. Remember?"

**Lizzie: **"You are a fighter. I've seen you fight to win in your football games. And to me, your life is much more worth fighting for than any game."

**Gordo: **"I am fighting for my life, Lizzie. I fight for it everyday."

**Lizzie: **"But you talk about losing the fight, and that really scares me."

**Gordo: **"I can't win every game I play."

**Lizzie: **"It's being on chemo, Gordo. It's getting you discouraged. Once you're off it, you'll feel better about everything."

**Gordo: **"I promise, I won't give up."

_Thoroughly depressed, Lizzie changed the subject._

**Lizzie: **"Our last home game's in two weeks. Will you come? Dad wants you to."

**Gordo: **"I'm coming. I started the season with the team, and I want to finish with them."

_Without Gordo, the Warriors had lost their heart to win and had quickly slipped from their number one ranking as what had been their most brilliant season turned to dust._

_On the night of the game, Lizzie and her family picked up Gordo and his mother. Gordo was in a wheel chair because he was too weak to walk._

_Gordo's clothes hung on him. His once powerful physique had melted away and his body had turned skeletal as the war against cancer raged within him. Lizzie reminded her self that he'd regained his form after his first bout with chemo was complete and that she should have every hope it would happen again._

_The Coach positioned Gordo on the sidelines, at the end of the Warrior's bench. When the team filed onto the field, each player stepped in front of Gordo's wheelchair, removed his helmet, and shook Gordo's hand. Lizzie watched form the stands, a lump in her throat, as Gordo gave each player a high five, a smile, and a few words of wisdom._

_At halftime, she watched her father push Gordo's wheelchair out to the middle of the field while the announcer recited his football exploits and the bright field lights glinted off the polished metal of his chair. Cameras flashed as the mayor and superintendents of schools stood with him. The mayor made a brief speech about how much honor Gordo had brought to Hillridge with his talent. He gave Gordon a plaque._

**Mayor: **"In your honor, the new high school stadium will be called 'The David Gordon Stadium,' and will be formally dedicated as such come spring."

_Lizzie heard Gordo's mother gasp when the announcement was made and felt Roberta reach for her hand. Tears were all but blinding Lizzie, but she held her head high, feeling more pride for Gordo than ever. His talent might have brought him fame, but his courage in the face of cancer had brought him honor._

_**Spring**. Lizzie wondered if Gordo would still be waiting for a donor or if his bone marrow transplant would be history by then. **Spring**. The season of flowers and fresh green grass seemed far and fresh green grass seemed so far away. They still had the long, harsh winter to endure. _

**Lizzie: **"Hurry up, spring." she whispered.

_**The next day:**_

**Jo: **"Lizzie, we need to talk." she came into Lizzie's room and closed the door behind her.

_Lizzie didn't mind the interruption. She'd tried valiantly all evening to study for her upcoming finals, but had been unable to concentrate. _

**Lizzie: **"What's up?"

**Jo: **"What are you doing about your acceptance to USC and UCLA?

**Lizzie: **"What do you mean? I'm not doing anything about them."

_Her mother looked confused._

**Jo: **"You've got to choose one of them. After all, you're graduating in six months and-"

**Lizzie: **"Mother! What are thinking? I can't go off and leave Gordo. What if he gets a donor? I need to be here for him." she said standing up.

**Jo: **"Lizzie, are you serious? Are you telling me you're not going off to college just because Gordo isn't?"

**Lizzie: **"Of course I'm serious. I wouldn't dream of leaving Gordo."

_A worried frown creased her mother's brow._

**Jo: **"You can't put the rest of your life on hold for Gordo's sake. I'm sure if you'd ask him, he'd want you to go ahead with your plans."

**Lizzie: **"My plans are to stay with Gordo until he's well. If that means postponing college for a year, then that's what I'll do."

_Her mother didn't back down, but her expression grew pensive._

**Jo: **"Gordo's gravely ill, Lizzie. What if…….what if a donor can't be found?" she said haltingly.

**Lizzie: **"I think one will be found."

**Jo: **"But honey, what if-"

**Lizzie: **"Stop it! I don't want to hear all this horrible talk. Gordo's has to get well again. I can't even think about going through the rest of my life without him. I wouldn't even want to!"

_She held out her hand._

**Lizzie: **"Remember this ring? It's more than just a gift. It's a 'promise ring.' Gordo gave it to me. It's his promise that someday we'll be married."

_He mother looked dumbstruck and Lizzie felt a thrill of triumphant satisfaction. _

**Jo: **"I had no idea you two were that serious, so soon." she said slowly.

**Lizzie: **"Well, we are. And as long as I can be here for Gordo, I will be."

**Jo: **"We need to talk more about this, Lizzie."

**Lizzie: **"No we don't. I've made up my mind. I'm not leaving Gordo."

_Lizzie crossed her arms in stubborn defiance, all but daring her mother to argue with her. She never got the chance. The phone on Lizzie's desk rang and when Lizzie grabbed the receiver, she heard Roberta's anguished voice._

**Roberta: **"I just called an ambulance to come get Gordo. He's bad off, Lizzie. Really bad. And I'm scared. Can you meet me at St. Paul's?"

_At the hospital, Lizzie and her mother learned that Gordo was having difficulty breathing and that his mother had called the ambulance in a panic. _

**Dr. Portage: **"You did the right thing."

_He assured her after he'd examined Gordo._

**Dr. Portage: **"He's still in respiratory distress, so I'm admitting him. I've put him on a respirator."

_Roberta cried out and Lizzie felt wobbly on her feet._

**Dr. Portage: **"It's only temporary, simply a way to help him breathe more easily. I'm ordering X rays to find out why he's in trouble.. As long as he's on a respirator, he won't be able to talk, so I'll keep him sedated too."

_Numb, still shaking from an adrenaline rush of fear, Lizzie sank slowly into a waiting room chair. Her mother said a few words to Roberta, then headed for the phone to call Sam._

_He arrived to join then in less than thirty minutes._

**Sam: **"What now?" he asked.

_As Gordo's situation was explained to him, Lizzie watched his shoulders sag._

**Sam: **"Poor kid." he muttered.

**Lizzie: **"It's not going to go away, is it? It's not ever going to leave Gordo alone." she said to her father.

**Sam: **"It does seem relentless. This makes no sense to me, Lizzie. Why should a kid like Gordo go through this when he's got so much to live for? I've talked to him about it."

_His admission surprised Lizzie, Gordo had never mentioned it to her._

**Lizzie: **"We've talked too, but we never came up with any answers."

**Sam: **"There aren't' any. It's just…..life. But going through something like this sure shows what a person's made of, and in my book, no one is made of finer stuff than Gordo."

_Lizzie saw a film of tears swimming in her father's eyes, and the sight rattled her. In all the years she'd live with him, she'd never seen her father cry. He cleared his throat._

**Sam: **"He's like a son to me."

**Lizzie: **"Don't give up on him yet. He's still got plenty of fight left in him."

_And sure enough, by the next day Gordo was breathing easier and had been taken off the respirator. He looked very pale, but he gave Lizzie a smile and a thumbs up. When she came into his room._

**Gordo: **"We've got to stop meeting like this." he said in a hoarse whisper.

_She'd been warned that the breathing tube they'd inserted in his throat would affect his voice._

**Lizzie: **"Lets go to New York. We could go stay with Steve and Nancy." she said taking his hand.

**Gordo: **"If only we could."

_They were alone, but Lizzie didn't know how long the time would last. Nurses breezed in and out of the room regularly and his mother could pop in at any time. An idea had been forming in her mind for days, and suddenly this seemed like a perfect time to present it She studied the ring on her finger._

**Lizzie: **"Did you mean what you asked me at the church?"

**Gordo: **"About marrying you? I mean it." his gaze also fell on the silver ring.

_A shadow of doubt crossed his face._

**Gordo: **"Are you having second thoughts? Do you want to give the ring back?"

**Lizzie: **"No way."

_She seized both his hands and pressed them against her heart._

**Lizzie: **"Why should we wait to get married, Gordo? Why, when it's what both of us want?"

**Gordo: **"What do you mean?"

**Lizzie: **"Lets get married now. It doesn't have to be a fancy ceremony……and we can do it here in the hospital if we have to. Your mother, my parents, Miranda and Larry, Steve and Nancy-if we can get them here quickly. These are the only people who matter in our lives, so they're the only ones we should invite."

_She talked rapidly, hardly breaking for a breath, spilling her long pent up emotions._

**Lizzie: **"I don't need a fancy dress. I could wear the one I bought for the Christmas dance last year. I know it's not white, but who cares? You and I know we've never messed around. And the hospital is all fixed up for Christmas, so the ceremony could be really festive. Besides, don't you think a Christmas wedding would be fun? Every anniversary we'd have two reasons to celebrate. And we don't have to have a reception either. Once you're out of the hospital we could take a little honeymoon to-"

_Gordo freed one hand form her embrace and placed his fingertips against her lips to silence her._

**Gordo: **"Lizzie, stop."

_She stopped, and the silence in the room was deafening._

**Gordo: **"I can't marry you now."

_She felt a sinking sensation._

**Lizzie: **"Why? I know you love me, and I love you. What else matters?"

_His gaze roamed her face as if absorbing it._

**Gordo: **"I do love you. And because I love you, I can't make you a bride and a widow in the same month."

**Lizzie: **"But the doctors are going to fix you up and you'll go home and wait for a donor. You can't give up, Gordo. You can't."

_He looked at her so tenderly that she almost started crying._

**Gordo: **"I know why I'm having trouble breathing, Lizzie."

_She couldn't force herself to ask why. Because not knowing served as a protective shield, and as long as she didn't know, she could hold off the finality of what was happening to him._

**Gordo: **"I have a tumor in my lung, Lizzie. And the chemo isn't stopping it from growing. They want to cut it out."

**Lizzie: **"Operate?" she said as if the word were alien.

**Gordo: **"It's located here."

_He pressed his palm against the left side of his chest._

**Gordo: **"Very near me heart and taking over my lung. Surgery's my best hope."

**Lizzie: **"When?"

_She felt ice cold and stiff, and forming words took great difficulty._

**Gordo: **"Day after tomorrow."

_**Too soon! **Her mind cried._

**Lizzie: **"But it will make you better, won't it?"

**Gordo: **"They think so."

**Lizzie: **"Will you do it?"

**Gordo: **"I talked it over with mom and my doctors, and it's what I want to do."

_She had fears and doubts. She had a bunch of reasons why he shouldn't go through with it, but she saw his look of determination and knew he would do what he wanted and nothing she could say would change his mind._

**Lizzie: **"I'll be here for you." she said, and he smiled at her.

**Gordo: **"The first thing I want to see when I get out of recovery is your face. And when I close my eyes on the operating table, the thing I'll see inside my mind will be your face." he said as he rested is palm on her cheek.

_Tears swam in her eyes._

**Lizzie: **"After this operation is over, after you get your strength back, promise me you'll reconsider marrying me right away."

**Gordo: **"We'll talk about it after the surgery."

_He smoothed his thumb across her lips._

**Gordo: **"Of course, if we do get married soon, your mother will kill us both and the surgery will have been for nothing."

_She gave a short laugh._

**Lizzie: **"I don't care what my mother thinks or what anybody else thinks. I want to be with you, Gordo, for the rest of my life."

_His gaze caressed her face._

**Gordo: **"That's fine with me."

_The day before Gordo's surgery, Steve and Nancy flew into Hillridge, lifting Lizzie's spirits immensely. When they walked into Gordo's room, Steve held up his hand._

**Steve: **"Now don't panic, nephew. We're only here because word got around that you were driving the doctors and your mother nuts. Besides, we were sick of sushi and your mother promised us a good home cooked meal."

_Gordo was all smiles._

**Gordo: **"You came all this way to see me?"

**Nancy: **"You and Lizzie."

_Lizzie had seen the expression of shock that crossed Nancy's face when she'd first seen Gordo and how she'd quickly suppressed it. Nancy gave him a hug._

**Nancy: **"We've missed you two."

**Lizzie: **"Did you bring pictures from your honeymoon?"

**Nancy: **"An album full."

_They spent the afternoon looking through the photos and talking. And later, when Lizzie and Nancy went down to the snack bar fro ice cream and Steve stayed behind with Gordo, Lizzie told Nancy that she and Gordo might marry as soon as he recovered from his surgery._

**Lizzie: **"Would you stay for the wedding?"

**Nancy: **"Of course we would. After you're married, where will you live?"

**Lizzie: **"With his mother I guess. She's a lot more sympathetic about me and Gordo than mine. And once he's gotten his new bone marrow, he can finish high school. Then, I'm sure some coach will want him to play college ball. Oh, maybe it won't be a big, we'll known college, but a smaller one willing to invest in him."

**Nancy: **"So he thinks he can still play football?"

**Lizzie: **"Absolutely. Once his donor starts working, he'll be cured and go on with his life."

**Nancy: **"You're a brave girl, Lizzie. Not every girl your age would take on such a marriage and its possible problems."

_Lizzie shrugged._

**Lizzie: **"I love him. I just wish tomorrow was over. His surgery scares me."

**Nancy: **"He's young and that's in his favor. Plus the doctors wouldn't operate if they didn't think it would help."

_They returned to the room, where Gordo's mother had joined him and Steve. Gordo looked drowsy._

**Roberta: **"They gave him medication, so he'll sleep soundly tonight. But we have to leave now."

_Gordo reached out for Lizzie. His eyelids looked heavy and his speech slurred._

**Gordo: **"The doctor said I could see you in the morning before I go into surgery. Please see me before they put me to sleep?"

**Lizzie: **"I'll come early."

**Gordo: **"I love you."

_She bent down and kissed him._

**Lizzie: **"I love you too."

'**_Here it comes it's all blowing in tonight  
I woke up this morning to a blood red sky  
They're burning on the bridge turning off the lights  
We're on the run I can see it in your eyes  
If nothing is safe then I don't understand  
You call me your boy but I'm trying to be the man  
One more day and it's all slipping with the sand  
You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand  
The back of my hand  
_**

_**Guess we both know we're in over our heads  
We got nowhere to go and no home that's left  
The water is rising on a river turning red  
It all might be ok or we might be dead  
If everything we've got is slipping away  
I meant what I said when I said until my dying day   
I'm holding on to you, holding onto me  
Maybe it's all gone black but you're all I see  
You're all I see  
**_

_**The walls are shaking, I hear them sound the alarm  
Glass is breaking so don't let go of my arm  
Grab your bags and a picture of where we met   
All that we'll leave behind and all that's left  
If everything we've got is blowing away  
We've got a rock and a rock till our dying day  
I'm holding on to you, holding on to me   
Maybe it's all we got but it's all I need  
You're all I need  
**_

_**And if all we've got is what no one can break  
I know I love you  
If that's all we can take  
The tears are coming down  
They're mixing with the rain  
I know I love you, if that's all we can take  
**_

_**A pool is running for miles on the concrete ground  
We're eight feet deep and the rain is still coming down  
The TV's playing it all out of town  
We're grabbing at the fray for something that won't drown'**_

**A/N: **The story is almost over guys! Please review more! Thanks for all your fabulous reviews! The song is "All I Need" by Mat Kearney. Review Again!!!!!


	11. When It Isn't Like It Should Be

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Lizzie McGuire characters.

Chapter 11-When It Isn't Like It Should Be

_Lizzie couldn't sleep that night, and headed for the hospital at six n the morning even though Gordo was scheduled to go into the OR until nine. She arrived at his room just as the nurse was giving him pre-op medication to relax him. One arm was hooked to an IV, but he held Lizzie tightly with his free arm when she bent over his bed. Although he smelled of medicine, he felt warm, and she longed to climb into bed with him and hold him._

**Lizzie: **"The others will be here soon. Everyone wants to see you before you go into surgery."

**Gordo: **"You look beautiful." he said to her.

_She knew how she really looked, dark circles were smudged under her eyes and she didn't bother to put on any makeup except for a little lip gloss._

**Lizzie: **"I'll look better when you come down from recovery."

**Gordo: **"Lizzie, I want to tell you some things before they operate."

**Lizzie: **"What things?"

**Gordo: **"I want you to know I'm okay about this and I want you to be okay about it. No matter what the outcome is."

_It felt as if a hand had reached into her chest and clutched her heart._

**Lizzie: **"The outcome is that you'll be alright." she said stubbornly.

**Gordo: **"I always want you to know I've done a lot of thinking about some things we talked about over the summer. You know, about the hereafter and all. I've been reading up on it in all my spare time."

_He grinned._

**Gordo: **"Heaven's a real place, Lizzie-a beautiful place-and if I can't wait for you at the end of an aisle on our wedding day, I'll wait for you in heaven."

**Lizzie: **"Gordo, you're scaring me-"

**Gordo: **"Please, let me finish. I don't want to scare you. I only want you to know that either way this surgery turns out, I'll be fine. I….I just want you to be fine."

**Lizzie: **I can't think about losing you. Don't make me."

**Gordo: **"You're the best part of my life and I will always love you."

'_**I'll sing it one last time for you  
Then we really have to go  
You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done**_

And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do  
I know we'll make it anywhere  
Away from here

Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear

_**Louder louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say**_

_Tears had sprung to her eyes. Behind her, she heard the others come into the room, and she knew that his mother, her parents, and Steve and Nancy wanted to be with him too. She felt panicked, afraid of letting go of his hand._

**Lizzie: **"I'll see you in a few hours." she said through gritted teeth.

_His eyelids drooped from the sedation, but still he held onto her._

**Gordo: **"If it's possible to send a message from heaven. I'll get one to you." he whispered to her.

_She choked back a sob and broke her hold, then stepped aside so that the others could surround his bed. Later, in the hallway, when he was wheeled out of his room for the elevator ride down to the surgical floor, he told the orderlies to hold up. They waited while he looked from face to face of the people who loved him, reminding Lizzie of a man memorizing a map so that he wouldn't get lost in the dark. Finally, he grinned, handed Lizzie a folded piece of paper, then gave everyone his thumbs up signal._

_**To think I might not see those eyes  
Makes it so hard not to cry  
And as we say our long goodbye  
I nearly do**_

Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower slower  
We don't have time for that  
All I want is to find an easier way  
To get out of our little heads

_Lizzie watched as he was wheeled away, listening to the clack-clack of the wheels of his bed and the swish of the elevator doors as they closed behind him. Cut off from him, she shuddered._

_**Have heart my dear  
We're bound to be afraid  
Even if it's just for a few days  
Making up for all this mess**_

Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear'

**Sam: **"Lets go down to the surgical waiting room." her father said, gently taking her arm.

_They trooped down to the area where family and friends waited for news from various operating rooms. A telephone linked the surgical floor with the waiting room would occasionally ring and tell people that their loved one had been taken to recovery and the surgeon would be down to talk to them soon. In the waiting room, Miranda and Larry were already camped out on sofas. Lizzie tried to join them, but found it impossible to sit still._

_As the hours dragged by, the phone rang several times, always for others. Every time it rang, Lizzie jumped. She felt taut and edgy. Around one o'clock, her father tried to get her to eat something, but she refused. She stared down at the floor, listening to the thump of her heart, the whispers of those around her._

_Suddenly the waiting room door opened and she looked up to see Gordo's surgeon standing in front of their group. Surprised, she glanced at the phone, wondering why she hadn't heard it ring. The doctor removed his green head covering. Lizzie allowed her eyes to travel the length of him and saw flecks of blood on the green paper coverings of his shoes. **Gordo's blood, **she knew instinctively._

**Surgeon: **"The tumor was far more entrenched than we ever imagined. It was totally ingrown to the side of his heart." he began.

_Lizzie heard Roberta begin to sob._

**Surgeon: **"I'm sorry……..We did everything we could."

_Somehow, through it all, Lizzie didn't' lose her composure. She heard questions and answers, but the words didn't make sense. She was beyond caring what was said by anyway. Slowly, she stood and removed the folded piece of paper Gordo had given her only a few hours ago. She'd deliberately not opened it, saving it for this time when she knew she would need contact with him most. _

**Miranda: **"What's in the note?" she heard a tearful Miranda ask.

_Numbly, Lizzie unfolded the paper. On it Gordo had drawn a single, perfect flower._

_The day of Gordo's funeral had come. The sky was a dull shade of leaden gray. To Lizzie, riding in the funeral home's limo to the cemetery, the whole world looked black and white. Void of color. _

_The high school closed for the day and almost the whole city turned out to bury their hometown hero. On Main Street, traffic lights blinked yellow and a police escort led the long, lonely precession to Gordo's final resting place. Lizzie wore black, including a black mantilla over her long blond hair. She sat in the car sandwiched between Roberta and Steve. In the limo's other long seat were Nancy and her parents. The trip seemed slow, endless. **  
**_

**Roberta: **"I never thought I'd have to do this again." she said tonelessly.

_Lizzie knew she was remembering her husband's funeral years before. Gordo's mother stared through the window._

**Roberta: **"Who will ride with me when it's my turn?"

_No one answered, and Lizzie tightened her hold on the edge of the car seat. Inside. She felt as dead as the world outside the car window seemed. She felt so empty inside…_

_At the burial site, hundreds gathered, all dressed in shades of black and gray. The car stopped, and attendants helped Lizzie and the others make the walk to the pit where Gordo's casket would be placed. _

_Lizzie watched as Larry led all the members of the football team, wearing black armbands, toward them. A mantle of flowers, each one white as snow, cascaded down the sides of the steel gray casket. Unbidden, Gordo's long ago words came to her. **"Someday, I'll dress you in flowers," **he had said. Instead, it was he who had been wrapped in blossoms. _

_She hardly heard the brief ceremony. She felt isolated and cut off from reality, not caring what was said. No words could make a difference. Gordo was gone and nothing could bring him back. Her movements were mechanical, like an elaborate puppet's. She went through the motions, but in her heart, she was hollow and empty. And cold……so very cold. _

_Once the ceremony was over, Lizzie's parents urged Roberta to receive friends at their home because it was so much more spacious. People arrived steadily all day, bringing food and flowers and small gifts. Roberta, ever gracious and kind, accepted every expression of grief over the loss of her son. But Lizzie felt removed from the ritual, hating it. Still, she knew it meant a great deal to Gordo's mother, so she tolerated it. _

_Late in the afternoon, as it grew dark and colder, Nancy found Lizzie in the backyard, huddled against a leafless and barren oak tree. _

**Nancy: **"Steve and I are leaving for the airport. We have to go home." she said gently.

**Lizzie: **"Goodbye." she told her.

**Nancy: **"You should come in the house, Lizzie. It's cold and you'll get sick."

**Lizzie: **"So what?"

_Nancy smoothed Lizzie's hair._

**Nancy: **"Please come visit us this summer. Will you promise me you'll come?"

_Lizzie traced her fingers along the roughened bark of the old tree trunk._

**Lizzie: **"See our initials? Gordo carved them for us when he was fourteen."

_The letters looked scarred and shrunken by the sold. She brushed them lightly._

**Nancy: **"You're breaking my heart, Lizzie. Please tell me you're going to be alright."

**Lizzie: **"Gordo used to bring me flowers."

_Steve called Nancy from the porch._

**Nancy: **"I've got to go, honey."

_She hugged Lizzie, who stood motionless._

**Nancy: **"Don't forget, we're expecting to see you this summer."

_Lizzie didn't answer. She only brushed her fingertips over the worn initials as Nancy left._

_Later when her house emptied and her father was taking Roberta home, Lizzie wearily climbed the stairs to her room. She wore her PJ's and climbed into her bed._

_After knocking lightly, her mother opened the door and entered the room. The light flooding in form the hallway blinded Lizzie, and she turned away from its glare._

**Jo: **"Lizzie…..honey if there is anything you want……" she halted beside her bed.

**Lizzie: **"I want Gordo." she said without emotion.

**Jo: **"Honey…….please……….I'm sorry……..so sorry…" she said as tears filled her eyes but Lizzie didn't see.

**Lizzie: **"Goodnight." she said.

_She curled into a tight ball and pulled the covers over her head. Minutes later, she heard her mother leave the room._

**Lizzie: **"Gordo………..why have you left me all alone?" she whispered into the darkness.

**A/N: **This chapter was very hard for me to write. I'm sorry what the outcome of Gordo's cancer was but in the end, all will be well. The song was "Run" by Snow Patrol. Please review guys!


	12. His Message

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Lizzie McGuire characters.

Chapter 12-His Message

**Sam: **"Lizzie, your mother and I are very concerned about you."

_Sam McGuire sat on the side of Lizzie's bed, looking helpless, his big hands folded in his lap._

**Lizzie: **"I'm fine, Dad."

**Jo: **"Your not fine! You don't eat, you don't go to school, you don't see your friends. Lizzie, you've laid in that bed for over a month. You've lost so much weight we hardly recognize you. Please, honey, snap out of it." she interjected.

_Lizzie peered dully at her parents. She wondered why they didn't leave her alone. Food had lost its taste and appeal. And she'd tried to go back to school after Gordo's funeral, but she couldn't concentrate and she couldn't keep up in her classes. All she wanted to do was sleep. Because when she was asleep, she could forget how much she hurt._

**Lizzie: **"I'll try to get up later. Right now, I'm too tired." she said in an effort to placate her parents.

_She saw her father glance up at her mother. He sighed and touched her shoulder through her bedcovers. _

**Sam: **"I miss him too, Lizzie. Every day, I think about him. But what you're doing to yourself isn't right. You can't curl up and die too."

_**Curl up and die**. The idea didn't sound so bad to her. Without Gordo, she certainly couldn't think about living. _

**Sam: **"Why don't you get up, get dressed, and come into school with me."

**Lizzie: **"I'll make you late."

_Her bedside clock read eight-thirty. Usually, he was gone by seven-thirty._

**Sam: **"Who cares? I'm the coach, remember? Besides, first period is my free period this semester. Come on….drive in with me."

**Lizzie: **"Not today. You and Mom go on without me. I'll rest and maybe when you get home this afternoon, I'll feel better."

_Her father rose, but her mother kicked off her shoes._

**Jo: **"If you're staying home again, I will too."

_Lizzie was mildly surprised. Her mother had just recently got a job as a secretary for a lawyer. She rarely missed work._

**Lizzie: **"You don't have to stay home. I'm just going to stay in bed today." her thoughts grew fuzzy.

_Lizzie heard her parents whispering at her door. Then her father left and her mother came back to her bedside._

**Jo: **"Miranda called last night. She wants to come over after school."

**Lizzie: **"I don't think I'm up for visitors. Tell her I'll call her later."

**Jo: **"Lizzie, you've been putting her off for days. She's your best friend and she calls everyday asking about you."

_Lizzie felt tears brim in her eyes. All this conversation was confusing her, upsetting her. She sniffed and turned over to face the wall._

**Lizzie: **"Please, not today. I……I just don't want to have to see anybody today."

_Minutes later, she heard her mother softly close the bedroom door, and soon afterward, Lizzie fell into the welcoming arms of a deep, dark, dreamless sleep._

_Afternoon sunlight streamed through Lizzie's bedroom window, awakening her. Someone had pulled up her window shade, and the winter sun cut a path across her bed and pillow. She buried her face under her covers, but the light was relentless. She wondered who had done such a thing._

_She sighed and realized that the only way to shut out the sun was to get up and pull down the shade, but her arms and legs felt almost too heavy with exhaustion to move. She forced herself upright, staggered to the window, leaned over her desk, and fumbled at the cord for the shade._

_From the kitchen below she heard her mother moving around and smelled the aroma of simmering chicken soup. Normally, the aroma would make her mouth water, but today it made her feel nauseous. She yanked down the shade and returned to her bed, then buried herself under the covers until she heard her mother come into her room._

**Jo: **"How about supper in bed?" her mother asked cheerfully.

_Setting down a tray with soup, crackers, milk, and green Jell-O inside. When Lizzie wasa small child, green gelatin had been her favorite._

**Lizzie: **"I'm not hungry."

_Her mother at on the bed and pulled Lizzie's covers from off her head._

**Jo: **"Look at me, Lizzie."

_Lizzie struggled to focus._

**Jo: **"This has got to stop. Your father and I can't bear to see you wasting away like this."

**Lizzie: **"Please, Mom, don't-"

**Jo: **"No. You listen! I've talked with our doctor, and he says that the way you've been acting is a cause for alarm. When I told him how much weight you've lost, he said it might be necessary not only to get you counseling, but to hospitalize you and put you on an IV."

_Lizzie wanted to be angry, but she didn't have the energy for it._

**Jo: **"So sit up and eat or I will drive you to the hospital personally and check you in."

_Wearily, Lizzie obeyed._

**Lizzie: **"I'm up, but I still don't want to eat."

**Jo: **"You have a visitor." her mother announced without preamble.

**Lizzie: **"Tell Miranda to come back tomorrow."

**Jo: **"It isn't Miranda."

_The bedroom door inched open, and Roberta peeked into her room._

**Roberta: **"Hi, Lizzie. Can I come in?"

_Lizzie hadn't seen her since the funeral, and seeing her now caused fresh pain to stab at her heart. Still, although Roberta looked tired and she'd lost weight, she also looked serene._

**Lizzie: **"Sure. Come in."

_Jo moved so that Roberta could take her place on the bed._

**Roberta: **"Your mother tells me your not doing so good."

_Feeling betrayed, Lizzie glared at her mother._

**Lizzie: **"I'm tired, that's all."

**Roberta: **"You're depressed. I've been depressed too, but not like you."

_She placed her hands on Lizzie's._

**Roberta: **"I lost my only son, Lizzie. I'll never get over the pain. But I will get on with my life."

**Lizzie: **"What do you mean?"

**Roberta: **"I'm moving out to New York. Steve's offered me a job. He and Nancy are starting a small production company and they need an office manager. Gordo talked to him before the surgery and asked Steve to take care of me."

_A wistful smile turned up the corners of her mouth._

**Roberta: **"Just like Gordo, to be worried about me. Anyway, I'm going where there are no memories to haunt me every day."

_The news jolted Lizzie. Her last link with Gordo had been broken. _

**Lizzie: **"When will you go?"

**Roberta: **"Just as soon as my house sells."

_Tears filled Lizzie's eyes._

**Lizzie: **"I'll miss you."

**Roberta: **"We've been through a lot together through the years. I've grown to love you like a daughter. That's why it hurts me to see you harming yourself this way."

_Lizzie dropped her gaze, unable to speak around the lump in her throat._

**Roberta: **"Gordo wouldn't have wanted you to do this to yourself, you know. He wanted the best for you. He wanted you to be happy."

**Lizzie: **"How can I be happy without him?"

**Roberta: **"I don't know…….all I know is that someday, you will be. You'll be happy……and you'll fall in love again."

_Lizzie shook her head adamantly._

**Lizzie: **"I'll never love anybody the way I loved Gordo. I won't risk being hurt again."

**Roberta: **"Love is always a risk. Just like Gordo's surgery."

_Roberta smoothed Lizzie's tangled hair._

**Roberta: **"Just before he went back to the hospital, the bone marrow donor program had found him a match."

_Lizzie gasped._

**Lizzie: **"They did? Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't he get the transplant?"

**Roberta: **"Because even if the transplant had worked, the tumor wasn't going away. He made the decision to risk surgery and do the transplant afterward."

**Lizzie: **"Are you saying he knew he might not live through the operation from the start?"

**Roberta: **"Yes."

**Lizzie: **"But why?" the information tortured her.

**Roberta: **"Because in his mind, the benefit outweighed the risks. With the tumor gone, the bone marrow transplant had a better chance of working."

**Lizzie: **"But if he'd had the transplant first, maybe he'd still be alive. He took the risk for nothing."

_Roberta shook her head._

**Roberta: **"He told me that life is full of risks and that if a person doesn't take them, life is very shallow. And he said to me, 'Mom, dead is dead.' Gordo hated dying by degrees. He told me that he'd rather have dying over with all at once than have it happen bit by bit."

_Lizzie felt no consolation._

**Lizzie: **"What am I going to do without him?"

**Roberta: **"You're going to live your life. You're going to honor him by doing things you would have done if he'd never gotten sick and died."

**Lizzie: **"How can I?"

**Roberta: **"The same as all of us…..one day at a time."

_Roberta put her arms around Lizzie and held her for a long time. _

**Roberta: **"I'll let you know when my house sells. Please come see me before I move. And once I settle in New York, I want you to visit me there. Please take care of yourself, Lizzie."

_When she was gone, Lizzie flopped wearily back against her pillow, going over the meaning of Roberta's words in her mind. Gordo had known he would probably die, but he had the surgery anyway. She saw his face, his thumbs up, his broad, sunny smile as he disappeared behind the OR doors. _

_Her mother stepped forward, holding the food tray. She set in on Lizzie's lap and picked up the bowl of soup, stirring it, until the aroma and warmth filled the air._

**Jo: **"Listen to Roberta, Lizzie. She knows what she's saying. Life is for living."

_Lizzie felt an unbearable weight of sadness press against her chest, but her mother looked so expectant, Lizzie reached for the soup spoon._

**Jo: **"Please let me help you." she said softly.

_Their gazes locked, and Lizzie saw a tenderness in the depths of her mother's eyes that shook her._

**Lizzie: **"All right." she whispered.

_Her mother smiled, ladled the soup into the spoon, and held it to Lizzie's lips, feeding her slowly and expertly, as she hadn't done since she was a tiny child._

_It took Lizzie another three weeks to regain her strength and begin putting on lost pounds. She also began studying at home, attempting assignments, doing take home test. She began to talk to her friends again and decided to return to school the first of April._

_Her return was bittersweet. Gordo's presence haunted the halls, and sometimes she could swear she saw his baseball cap bobbing through the crowds as they moved between classes. But kids were genuinely glad to see her, stopping her, talking to her, sharing memories of Gordo with her. Her mother helped her tremendously with makeup work and arranged special tutoring for the classes Lizzie was too far behind in to catch up with on her own. She structured a summer tutorial program, so that even though Lizzie wouldn't technically graduate with her class in June, she would at least be able to receive her diploma at the end of the summer._

_One Saturday, Lizzie was reading on the back deck in a patch of sunlight, a blanket thrown over her lap, when her father rushed out the door._

**Sam: **"Honey, quick! Come with me!"

_Startled, she gawked at him. His eyes were glowing, his expression excited._

**Lizzie: **"What's happening?"

**Sam: **"I can't tell you. I have to show you. Come on."

**Lizzie: **"Dad, I really don't want-"

_He tugged her to her feet._

**Sam: **"You have to some with me to the football stadium and see this with your own eyes. You're not going to believe it, Lizzie. But you have to see it."

_Lizzie hadn't thought about the new football stadium in months. And she didn't want to see it now, but her father was so excited, she couldn't refuse him. At the stadium, he screeched to a halt, leaped from the car, and hurried to open the door._

**Sam: **"You need to get up high. Then you can see it better." he said taking her hand.

_Lizzie climbed the cement bleachers obediently, forcing herself not to think about all the times she'd come to the stadium with Gordo._

_When they were about a third of the way up, Lizzie had to stop and catch her breath._

**Lizzie: **"Sorry, I'm out of shape."

**Sam: **"No problem. This is high enough anyway. Look."

_He pointed down toward the field. She turned and let her gaze follow his fingers. A fine stubble of wild grass blanketed the rough, rutted field with green fuzz. But there was something else sprouting in the center of the field. Green stems, arranged in neat rows, were emerging from the caked earth. She squinted._

**Lizzie: **"What's growing?"

**Sam: **"Tulips."

**Lizzie: **"Why would you plant tulips in the middle of your football field? You told me it had to be smoothed out."

**Sam: **"I didn't plant them."

_Slowly, the truth dawned on her._

**Lizzie: **"Gordo?"

**Sam: **"I'm sure of it. It'll take a couple of weeks until they're all up and blooming, but once they're finished, I think you'll see a pattern f some kind. Like a design he planned out."

_She remembered Gordo's words: "If it's possible to send a message from heaven, I'll get one to you." Tears blurred her eyes._

**Lizzie: **"But how? When?"

**Sam: **"He probably planted it in October, or November at the latest."

**Lizzie: **"Right after he went back on chemo."

**Sam: **"Probably so."

_She clapped her hand across her mouth to stifle a sob. Her father pulled her into his arms._

**Sam: **"Lizzie, it's all right. Go ahead and cry. He meant this for you, honey. He did this even though he knew he might not be here to share it with you."

_She imagined Gordo arriving in the dark of night, digging holes in the hard ground, dropping each bulb into each hole, and covering it over so that no one could tell what he'd done. Like thawing snow, she felt her grief begin to soften, her terrible pain began to melt. _

_Every day afterward, Lizzie returned to the stadium, climbed the steps, and watched Gordo's testimony of tulips bloom in a rainbow of spring colors-red, yellow, purple, hot pink. The stems stood tall and straight, one series arranged in a single line, another in a crudely shaped heart, the final one in the shape of the letter U. **I love you**. Just as Gordo had carved on the oak tree in her backyard the summer before._

_Late one afternoon, while she waited for her father down on the field, a bulldozer roared to life and rolled through double gates at one of the end zones._

**Lizzie: **"No!" she cried, bolting toward the big yellow machine.

_Suddenly her father emerged from one of the stadium tunnels and parked his body squarely in front of the dozer. _

**Sam: **"What do you think you're doing?" he yelled up at the driver.

**Driver: **"Got a work order, buddy. I need to level the field so the sod trucks can come in and get planted tomorrow." he shouted over the noise of the engine.

**Lizzie: **"Dad, don't let him." she begged.

**Sam: **"Not yet. It's not ready to be leveled yet." he told the driver.

**Driver: **"But this work order-"

**Sam: **"I'm the football coach at this school, and I'll take responsibility for changing your order."

_The driver looked doubtful._

**Driver: **"I don't know…."

**Lizzie: **"Not today." she said boldly.

**Driver: **"Okay. So when?"

**Lizzie: **"When the tulips finish blooming."

**Driver: **"What?!"

_The driver looked at her as if she were insane._

**Sam: **"You heard the lady. When the tulips are gone." he told him.

_She left them arguing about it and walked out onto the field, where she knelt next to a row of colorful flowers and gently fingered the waxy petals. _

_In her mind's eyes, she saw Gordo's face, his playful grin, and she smiled back at him._

**Lizzie: **"So you're still sending me flowers. Do you think you can fix everything with flowers?" she said to his image.

_In the hazy sunlight, his image nodded, gave her a thumbs up, and faded away into the spring air._

_Lizzie blinked, glanced around, and realized that she was standing by herself in the middle of a football field blooming with tulips. Gordo was gone. But he was waiting for her somewhere. Somewhere, on the other side of all her tomorrow's…_

'**_Found myself today_**

_**Oh I found myself and ran away**_

_**Something pulled me back**_

_**The voice of reason I forgot I had**_

_**All I know is you're not here to say**_

_**What you always used to say**_

_**But it's written in the sky tonight**_

_**  
So I won't give up**_

_**No I won't break down**_

_**Sooner than it seems life turns around**_

_**And I will be strong**_

_**Even if it all goes wrong**_

_**When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe**_

_**Someone's watching over me**_

_**Seen that ray of light  
And it's shining on my destiny  
Shining all the time  
And I wont be afraid  
To follow everywhere it's taking me  
All I know is yesterday is gone  
And right now I belong  
To this moment to my dreams**_

So I won't give up  
No I won't break down  
Sooner than it seems life turns around  
And I will be strong  
Even if it all goes wrong  
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe  
Someone's watching over me

It doesn't matter what people say  
And it doesn't matter how long it takes  
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high  
And it only matters how true you are  
Be true to yourself and follow your heart

So I won't give up  
No I won't break down  
Sooner than it seems life turns around  
And I will be strong  
Even if it all goes wrong  
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe  
That I won't give up  
No I won't break down  
Sooner than it seems life turns around  
And I will be strong  
Even when it all goes wrong  
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe  
That someone's watching over  
Someone's watching over  
Someone's watching over me

Someone's watching over me'

**A/N: **And that's the end of my story. I hope you guys liked it, please review. The song was "Someone's Watching Over Me" by Hilary Duff. Please read the next chapter it's an author's note for everyone. I still have some things to say. Please review!


	13. Thank You's & A Message

**TheNewJP1987: **Thank you so much for your reviews and support. I'm glad you really liked it. I hope you grasp the message this story sends. Thanks again!

**Dario8676: **I hope your cousin is well. Cancer is a very hard disease to face, it's heartbreaking to know that a 9 year old has it. I hope your inspired by this story. Even though this story ended with a death, in a way it ended on a happy note. Thanks for all your reviews and your support!

**DearLizzie: **It's good to know I portrayed the characters well. Thanks for your reviews!!

**GD Earnest: **There is rarely any stories where Gordo is this popular football player. High school can change anyone to someone they thought they would never be. In this story I wanted show every one that a guy like Gordo can be someone like Ethan for example. I tried to show their actions as much as I could, I wanted everyone to feel what they felt while they were reading this. From the reviews I guess it worked. Thanks for your great reviews!

**Froggy2045: **Thanks for your reviews, I'm glad you love it!

**Flicia89: **It's not based on the book "Too Young To Die" by Lurlene McDaniel. But I've read almost all her stories and I got this idea out of it so I guess in a way her stories did inspire me. Thanks for your review!

To the rest of the reviewers, thank you! It's good to know you all liked it!

I love writing these types of stories because they all have a special message in the end. This story has a strong message that I would like everyone who reads this to grasp. Even through the most tragic moments in your life, you have to always have strength and belief so that you can overcome your own grief. Anyone can overcome anything, you just have to believe in yourself and know you can. Facing tragedy may be hard but it's what you have inside of you that will help you overcome it. I hope this story inspired you somehow……


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